lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Friday, May 29
-12:30 am
Today's devotion was on daily devotion itself. What has been my recent experience with ingesting God's word? how will I change to make spiritual food a priority in your life?
Answering on the second question first, it was a resolution of mine to make devotions a priority this year. Although it didn't start up very well since I had no tangible materials which was really just merely an excuse, I thank God that He kept reminding to do it, especially since last year when I began leading small group bible study in CCF. Because I felt so inadequate in leading my group members 'cause they all seem so much more well-grounded in their spiritual life than me. I didn't and still don't feel that I am on par with them. Though it didn't affect my self-esteem but it made me reevaluate my intake of spiritual food. So slowly but surely I have began to try doing it everyday, and with manyiu's initiative on making all FOC committee members to post devotions everyday - one person is charge of one day, all the more I kinda have no excuse to not do it. Very superficial to just do my day's and not doing it for the rest of the week. Get intake from them and my own. Double the dosage! hahaha. So yes, I am very grateful to enter the FOC committee this year. God has His wonderful plans for me. Although I won't know how exactly things will be at the end of it, but I am sure that they are wonderful. :]
So what has been my recent experiences? I would think that I can't go back to the days where I don't do any devotions at all for the entire week before sunday. I would feel.. dry I supposed. Something within me is not being fulfilled. Even if I try to understand things/events/people by my own clever-ness, they are never settling enough. It is always through God's revelations that I always find rest in. This has been a period where I am constantly reminded of His grace and providence - money issues, freshies issues, venue issues. All of which actually have been moved away by Him, I believe. There has been constant spiritual renewal too, though I may not remember everything that I have read on. I feel bad about that. -.-
Oh and one more thing which has been on my mind eversince I caught the first episode of the new season for JK+8. There has been this whole furor over infidelity - from both spouses. I didn't like how K drew the picture on J. She made it like she's the ONLY victim in this whole thing and while J was just having the time of his life. Even if things are really what was depicted, I think that she has a major role in driving him to do so. Going from past reports, it seems like she has been driven quite, barking mad I would say, by what their show can give her; and she seems to have isolated the immediate family from their extended family. HOW IS THAT GOOD PARENTING AT ALL? And does she have to tell us how exhausting it is to parent 8 kid? She wants to tell the audience, fine, we get it, and we are constantly reminded of it because of her rolled eyes, exasperated sighs etc but does she have to say it in front of her children? Do they need to know how exhausting they all for being themselves? Why the hell does she want children then?! I'm not saying that parents can't complain how tiring parenting can be, but not in front of their children? I can just feel how damaging or hurtful it can be if I hear my mom say that out loud to friends or strangers, let alone national audience. And I don't like how she kept saying how she is doing her best blah blah. Not like she's doing her best if you aren't talking to your husband or doing something to save the marriage. Is not the marriage more important than letting the show go on? He was clearly uncomfortable with making a new season and she was like 'oh don't worry, I will talk him around' kinda attitude. She's not compromising and apparently just seems to be all out for the win. If you are to watch the show faithfully, you can see slowly how she was treating J all over the years. Yes we may not know what is going along in the family behind the screens, but obviously the children do love their parents. So what is shown on TV may not be the real thing. It's all orchestraed anyway.
Maybe my attitude is coloured by the reports I have seen. Biased as they may be, no rumours are without smoke and that is what I believe. Honestly, I hope they will really do something to save the marriage rather than just going on with the show and do a pretend-show just for the programme. If she hadn't really thought about the privacy issues before embarking on the programme, I had say she's really ... short-sighted. And C and M have obviously picked up on the tension between their parents.
Aiyah. In any case, I don't like how she is painting the whole scenario now, and how the producers are like making J the bad guy. After married for a decade, it goes to show how poorly she actually knows her spouse. Maybe it was a bad decision for them to have children so early. Last thing, they are really giving a bad testimony for all non-believers.
Hopefully she will do as she said - making the best decisions for the kids and doing her best to provide for the family. I'm going to watch the show only because the kids are really darn cute and I want to see how this family is going to evolve. If they split, then goodbye kids. What rubbish.
Wednesday, May 27
-12:23 am
i'm bored at home.
like seriously. I can feel my brain cells rotting away although they shouldn't because they need to be hard at work for my FYP. And speaking of that, it's not going fantastically well. I don't know how and what to do. I can only pray about it.
Job finding sucks at this kind of economy. RARH.
I'm going to sleep soon. So much for skyping till 3am. o.O
yes i have skype! add me to save me from horrendous phone bills since my mom will roar at anyone who spends too much. -.-
Wednesday, May 20
-11:33 pm
I had an interesting talk with Wan Feng chuan dao today. I think.. it was beneficial for both of us because he gets to know more, I get to unload and get validation of what I have been thinking. Thank God I'm not too far off.
Oh well, it's a good opportunity to get to know him too. I think he's a good conduit for everyone to talk to without all those baggage. :D
Someone please help me find a job!!! :[[[[
Sunday, May 10
-8:24 pm
I'm so tired.
Must be the lack of sleep. I'm seriously sleeping late like EVERYDAY. So unhealthy because I can see all the pimples leaving their permanent mark on my face. So ugly. Rawrs. I should start sleeping early, and stop talking late into the night. My liver needs to live a little bit longer. Haha.
Well, it has been a hectic week, not as crazy as last week, but it was enough to sap my energy away. Now that FYP has come full-blown into my face, I really can't fathom where I can get my courage from to do it all. All these expectations from everyone makes me feel repulsive from them all. I can't seem to do things on my own, at my own pace, of my own priorities. I can't live my life as it is. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I can't let you tell me what I should do. My priorities and responsibilities are vastly different from yours. You can have your justifications, but I have mine as well. And no one, absolutely no one can help me do FYP. You can't take responsibility for what is supposed to be mine, and I am surely not taking any chance in jeopardising it. You may hate me or be extremely disappointed in me, but clearly, our lives are on very different paths. You will have people who will listen and agree with you, but I don't intend to be someone like that. I have always been one to play devil's advocate, so why stop now.
Now that the swine flu thing has die down a little, I hope the chalets will be open for booking soon. :p It's pretty stressed not to find anywhere where we can settle approximately 65 campers. I want to go back to Aloha! Please God, help us make a way!
Because today is Parent's day in church, and I was on duty with the children, Joelle (the seriously cute girl, my favourite 5 year old in church :DDD) asked how come I didn't stand with the rest of the adults (they were standing because they are parents and were waiting for the other youths to give them flowers/apples). I told her because I'm not a mother yet, and I don't even have a boyfriend to get married to, so I couldn't stand. Then she was like "I help you find boyfriend okay?". I was seriously tickled. Then she proceeded on pointing out boys in their children group. HAHA. When I told her they were too young, she pointed to De Zhong! HAHAHA. Oh my tians, I was like o.O. Told her that he's married and is a father already! She just gave the sheepish smile and then turned her attention back to her mother who was sitting next to me. Oh man, I was seriously tickled by her. Love her to bits la.. hehe.
Honestly! Honestly, what is the point of doing that!? To show that you don't care or to show that you are really ignorant? What is all that supposed to mean at all? It seems more selfish than ignorance to me, especially towards him. Honestly.
Monday, May 4
-10:30 am
I'm watching Harper's Island now! OMG it's so exciting! Although the killings are gross, the suspense is gripping. Oh man, I'm so glad I'm starting on the show. CSI NY and House is getting a little boring. Haha.
Anyway, exams have been over for exactly a week. My days were packed to the brimmed, even till this week. HOHO.
Monday: Went to met Olwen for Amanda's and Chrystella's consultation. She's a pretty nice professor leh. Like her a lot. Haha. Then we went to catch lunch and 17 again. -.- It's just pure Zac Efron advertising. Not very interested in that. Then met up with the 62 girls for dinner to celebrate Jia's birthday :]
Tuesday: Went out for GS102 dinner hahaha. For Wai Fun's sent-off dinner. She's leaving for the states for 6 months for Work and Travel! so cool la. Hope she brings back lotsa stuff back hahaha.
Wednesday: Barrage and Flyer. Photos are all up on FB. :] I'm so tired of writing already. I just want to list them all down that's all.
Thursday: Met up with Chrystella to sign up at AWARE so that we can join the meeting on saturday. We talked a lot and I really appreciate the time and the insights. :] We should have more of this. Heh.
Friday: Paintball challenge! Woohoo! it was fun but I didn't do much - the guys were super garang la. But it was definitely an experience. Haha.
Saturday: The meeting. Tsk.
Today: Recce at Tanah Merah and FOC meeting!
Busy holidays! HAHAH.
Saturday, May 2
-11:12 pm
This whole saga has only shown me how immature people can be.
We can buy all kinds of international brands, have all sorts of international events, travel to all sorts of countries, but somehow I still think that the society lacks civility and maturity.
They call for equality, but it's not reciprocated.
They call for justice, but all I see is them wanting to have their way only.
They call for fairness, how fair is it when the other side of story is not heard nor paid attention.
Man only believes what they want to believe. And we always think that we will definitely make the most rational/best decisions based solely on the facts we have on hand. Somehow we never seem to understand that all our decisions/perceptions are just biased. It's hard to objective, but I don't think it's impossible. What I saw wasn't objectivity at play, it was pure emotions.
Granted the new people have made wrong decisions and have acted inappropriately, but have not the old and the rest do the same? And sometimes, people are making stands based on what other people they had to say, not doing any work/research of their own.
How lazy.What exactly is 'best interests'? To comply to what the majority wants?
I had so much thoughts while heading home. Haha. I think now that I've leng jing already, I don't want it to eat up my brain too much. I just pray that things will go on smoothly and that the organisation will not stray away from its intended path.
