lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Wednesday, June 29
-8:37 pm
Still left with tons of Chemistry left to study but then, I can't really be bothered. I don't know. Kept having this bo cham feeling, it's like after GP and Maths, everything went on a downhill. Hope it wouldn't continue till the A levels. It must be stopped just before prelims, or else I don't know where I can get the confidence to do well. Oh wells. Just one more day, at this point of time.
Anyone listens to Corrinne May? She's damn good. Haha, love her voice. It's like hot chocolate, warm and deep. Soothing too. Her lyrics are kinda christian-y, [She is a Christian I think.] but they aren't overwhelming if you get what I mean. But you can also just take it as it is. Just check out her lyrics at her official website. There's even free sampling of her CD. I think I'm going to buy it as soon as I've got the money. Haha. Never had such an impetus to buy someone's CD. It's really perfect for a chilling out at night.
All rights, back to studying. After I finished listening to all the tracks avaliable that is.
Thursday, June 23
-8:24 pm
MUG MUG MUG!
Tuesday, June 21
-9:08 am
Woke up with a wrong start. Utterly pissed off. It was childish on my part but that doesn't really matter to me at that time. It really irritates me how she can call up everyweek to complain that there is something wrong with her computer but yet after going there, it works fine after she has 'tried tinkling with it mulitple times'. Since she can do that after 'multiple times' then why still ask me go down? And then because I can do nothing about it, I've got this obligation to stay there for a while just so to give her company. Really, once in a while is fine. But to call every week? And to call in early in the morning just so to get me moving my ass there is really going to be the last straw. I'm going to tell my mom about this. It IS childish. But this is like calling wolves when there aren't any around and in the process, trust is lost. On my part. So what good will it give if this does not stop and she's going to hog my holidays if she can do it.
Yet I will concede that not all of the frustration stemmed from that reason. I guess it's the stress from exams and to do rather okay in it. Expectations expectations. Haven't finish studying what I need to. Biology is going to be a killer according to Isabel. Great.. That's just what I need. And chemistry? All those memorizing work for organic chemistry is bogging me down. Maths is the only easy thing going on, although it CAN be very hard. Sighs. BT is already like that. What is going to happen during the As? I don't know. As for now, I'm only looking forward to the "Golden Weekend" after BT. Five days worth of holidays. Who can beat that?
Monday, June 20
-10:03 am
| Your Expression Number is 6 |
You have an outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance.
You are helpful and inclined to comfort those in need.
You have many artistic and creative talents, but you only use them to better others.
You are loving, friendly, and appreciative of others.
You have a depth of understanding that produces much kindness and generosity.
Openness and honesty are apparent in your approach to all relationships.
Sometimes, you can be too demanding of yourself.
At times, you tend to sacrifice yourself for the welfare of others.
At other times, you have trouble distinguishing between helping and interfering. |
Your Life Path Number Is 5 |
5
You are very versatile, adventurous, and progressive.
With a 5 life path, you are one of those people who is always striving to find answers to the many questions that life poses. You want to be totally unrestrained, as this is the sign of freedom and independence.
You abhor routine and boring work, and you are not very good at staying with everyday tasks that must be finished on time.
You are, however, a good communicator, and you know how to motivate people around you, perhaps inclining you to be a teacher of some sort.
A love of adventure may dominate your life.
This may take the form of mental or physical manifestation, but in either case, you thrill to the chance for exploration and blazing new trails.
You are apt to be multi-talented, but just as likely to suffer from some lack of direction, and there is often some confusion surrounding your ambition.
On the average, the number 5 personality is rather happy-go-lucky; living for today, and not worrying too much about tomorrow.
It is important for you to mix with people of a like mind, and try to avoid those that are too serious and demanding.
It is also important for you to find a job that provides thought-provoking tasks rather than routine and redundant responsibilities.
You do best dealing with people, but the important thing is that you have the freedom to express yourself at all times.
You have an innate ability to think through complex matters and analyze them quickly, but then be off to something new.
In the most negative application or use of the 5 energies, you could become very irresponsible in tasks and decisions concerning your home and business life.
The total pursuit of sensation and adventure can result in your becoming self-indulgent and totally unaware of the feelings of those around you.
In the worse case situations negative 5's are very undependable and self-serving. |
Your Birthdate: March 13 |
Being born on the 13th day of the month should help make you a better manager and organizer, but it may also give you a tendency to dominate people a bit.
You may be more responsible and self-disciplined than you realize.
Sincere and honest, you are a serious, hard working individual.
Your feeling are likely to seem somewhat repressed at times.
You are apt to be much more practical, rational, and conscious of details.
Your intolerance and insistence on complete accuracy can be irritating to some. |
Your #1 Love Type: INTJ |
The Scientist
In love, you tend to be very private and withdrawn - even when things are going well.
For you, sex is important in a happy relationship. Less important when things aren't going well.
Overall, you are confident, intelligent, and serious about commitment.
However, you tend to hold back and not show your emotions.
Best matches: ENFP and ENTP |
Your #2 Love Type: ENTJ |
The Executive
In love, you seek relationships that you can grow and learn from.
For you, sex should always be exciting and experimental.
Overall, you are bright, energetic, and helpful.
However, you tend to be challenging and confrontational.
Best matches: INTP and ISTP |
Your #3 Love Type: INFJ |
The Protector
In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship.
For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls.
Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in.
However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself.
Best matches: ENTP and ENFP |
Your #4 Love Type: INTP |
The Thinker
In love, you are honest and serious about commitment.
For you, sex is something you think about and desire a lot of the time.
Overall, you are pure in your affection and feelings.
However, you tend to be suspicious and distrusting at times.
Best matches: ENTJ and ESTJ |
Your #5 Love Type: ISTJ |
The Duty Fulfiller
In love, you are committed, loyal, and dedicated to making things work.
For you, sex is purely physical - not necessarily linked with love.
Overall, you are honorable, a good listener, and able to take criticism well.
However, you tend to also be stubborn and out of tune with your partner's feelings.
Best matches: ESFP and ESTP |
Saturday, June 18
-11:50 pm
yeahs! I've got the church camp's photos! woohoo! I'm so happy! Heh. Pretty pictures. Speaking of photos, where is CO camp's? Liwen!! Where are you?!?!?!? -hollers into the deep abyss where Liwen is- Hardly ever see you online. -grumbles grumbles- My group's pictures are with you. And Wee Long's pictures are so DARK!. Oh right, I forgot, he's the ambassador of the dark. That's why. -Nods nods- Haha. Just kidding. I'm seriously lacking substance in the photos department, in my computer that is. Haha. Photographs are always good stuff to reminiscence the past. Memories sometimes can distort the truth, ain't very reliable. Heh. Give a shoutout will ya? Thankew!
Friday, June 17
-12:21 am
Batman Begins ROCKS. It's damn nice! Hahaha. But then if you are not into superheroes and such, well.. It probably be a little boring. And it's rather action-packed. Haha. Christian Bale ROCKS too! Tall, maybe not very dark, and darn brooding.
"Drunken Millionaire Playboy Burns Family House" - LOLS!
Just had a combined youth fellowship meeting. And woah, will my July be packed. Every weekend there's something going on man. To celebrate "Youth Day". Anyone wanna come and look see? Heh. Invitations open to all!
Wednesday, June 15
-10:40 am
What constitues, defines a relationship? Dictionary.com has the following definitions:
1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.
4. A romantic or sexual involvement.
Being in one.. Does it really mean that it involves only 2 people and not the rest of the world? Does it only based on each others' feelings, without a care of how others around you see it? Is it only about feelings and no logic is involved at all? Don't be an idiot. My answer to these questions is certainly a firm no. Granted I haven't been into one, I definitely wouldn't understand what you guys called it as "qing bu zhi jing". I'm pretty upset by what I see, to tell the truth. But isn't there SOME line that can be drawn, especially on physical intimacy? There must be some control what. On the girl's part at least. People are looking at you guys, they have EYES. And they are asking questions. You are asking us to keep mum on what have been going on, but when they asked, do you think it's really wise to lie? They aren't stupid you know. And they are adults. They KNOW what is going on, just that by asking they are getting a confirmation? I don't know. We can't be sheltering you guys forever. We can only do that much. Besides, going to people who have a wealth of experience to dicuss would be better than going to one who hasn't right? I mean, it's pretty much limited to one's opinion..
All I want to say is that, there's no hurry at all. I mean, if you foresee that you will be together forever and ever, then there's all the time in the world for you guys right? Being in love doesn't mean that you relinquish all control of your body to another right? Or at least that's what I think. Call me old-fashioned but to me, that's what it is all about. Hey, touching and feeling are essential in maintaining the gan qing, I agree. But well, have some control lar. Nothing in the future is predictable. That's all.
Sunday, June 12
-11:37 pm
But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Matthew 6:33 I'm back from a series of camps! Yay! Enjoyed myself tremendously man. Not a touch of guilt for not studying 'cause studying's secondary! [though it really should be my primary concern. but well.. normal students never like studying. and i'm normal. ;)]
CO camp.. sighs. Time really passes too fast for my liking. In fact I dare say for many of us, especially our CO clique. Haha. No one wants to leave the cosy little area where we laughed, joked, lamed, cried, angered. So much memories. So much feelings. Yet, so little time. Looking back, I guess no one would have guess that we will become such a tight bunch. An unlikely bunch some more. I myself would never have thought that CO will become such an integral part of my JC life. Maybe it's because being part of the committee allowed me to invest my time, efforts and feelings. But then without you guys, no matter how much I've committed myself into, I don't think I will be this attached. The friendships we have forged, amongst ourselves and the J1s and the seniors, I will treasure them forever. I can't promise we will remain in contact regularly, but nevertheless, hey, at least we did spend all these while together - mugging, practising, relaxing, and none of them are without their purpose, lessons, and meanings.
Well, as for the bad memories, those people have their own stories and we just don't know it. Just by using our standards to measure what they showed us but not what they think and feel is unfair to them. Reading their blogs, they do have their bu she-s. We can't discredit them for it. Right? All I can say is to forgive and forget. If we still can't talk civily ie without second guessing what they truely mean by what they say, then might as well let go. No point remembering that there's discontent among some of us. Maybe as we look back in the future, we will laugh at how silly they and us were.
Parting is part and parcel of life, nothing much we can do about it. All that we can do is that we can only put in the effort to always come together, no matter how busy we are. Like what we have always been doing during our time together now. Man, let's just organized some chalet or just a gathering of sorts every year, and I'll be there. Heh. We must also go back CO room once in a while, just so to know the future juniors. Haha, bet you guys wanna find cute girls from there.
As for church camp or retreat, every year has its own lessons for me. Involved in the worship team this year, even though it's only a minor role of a powerpoint clicker, [haha] but it let me see and understand how important the team is in leading the entire congregation into the worship. No wonder the pastor put so much importance into it. Rehearsals may be tiring but well, it's for the glory of God and the people, so church people, try not to complain too much yeah? It's easier preaching than doing it I know but well, let's just encourage each other and press forth yeah? The guest speaker once again reinforced my faith with his sermons. Probably through all these kinda introductory sermons that I learn what I'm believing in. Secrets were revealed, got to know more people and God's love prevailed once again as salvation was brought to more people.
To tell the truth, I really have no doubts about my religion being a true one. Every now and then, I'm presented with facts that refuse to make me deny my religion. Personal experiences also gave me the confirmation. But somehow, just somehow, there is this voice that keeps telling me to fault this belief that I have. It's a voice that I don't like. But neither did I do anything to shut it up. I just let it continue talking. It's frustrating in a way. Eeks, for all I know that may be the devil talking. A warning sign to start working on my spiritual life? Seriously? Went to the Da Vinci Code seminiar today. The speaker presented cold hard facts how rubbish that book is. I remembered writing something about believing some part of it, but now, I think I'm just going to treat it as a pack of fiction. He then showed clips of his some sort of missionary work in China. [China doesn't allow public missionary work.] Then I have this pulling, this little desire to work in this line. To help people in poverty. Bringing them to God through the things that we do for them. Eg: Building a school for them, but while teaching them about maths and science, the values of christianity are brought to them too. This isn't the first time I'm feeling that. That time at Famine Camp too. I just want to do something for them. I've so much, but yet I can do nothing. I'm blessed with so many things. There must be something that I can do with all the blessings endowned to me. I just want to help. Some may think it's for my own selfish need to do something noble. Maybe it really is, but to put in the speaker's words, christianity is the only religion whereby its followers are fanatical in spreading the religion. I want to them to know what God has for them. It's pretty selfish of me to keep it to myself.
However, speaking of that, I haven't been doing a good job to those around me. Especially my non-christian friends. I don't think my life exemplifies a christian, or at least what you guys think of a christian. It really saddened me when a friend of my commented that I don't look like one at first glance. I really don't know how to express myself sometimes, with words especially. My actions may seemed brash and crude but I really mean well. Hope you guys will understand. Heh. =P But if you don't, well, I will work on it to become a better christian. Haha. And Kenneth, I don't have a busy schedule. They are just other openings to escape from the chains of studying. Haha.
Whew, it's almost 2 already. And I'm going to trim my hair tomorrow and go study with the CO gang. Bleh. Chiong-ster tomorrow, I will be. Hope the study session will be a fruitful one.
Wednesday, June 1
-4:50 pm
An axe has fallen. All have halted.Went back to my aunt's place just now, to fix her computer. Turned out there was no need. [Computers are temperamental objects anyway. Haha]Realized how much that place have changed. I haven't go back there in quite a while. But seriously, it changed so much that I felt that the changes have violated my memories of the place. The old carpark behind the block had gone, replaced by a mini garden. Shelters now link the apartment blocks, all the way to the bus stop which is like 300 meters away approximately? New blocks rising with its multi-stories carpark. New shops open along the carpark. A revamped hawker centre. New colours. Even the kindergarten that I went to changed. There's no more playground there! It's a little desolate to see all these changes but it's also a refreshing one. Like a kid given a new environment, I can explore around to find if there are nooks that did not succumb to the new age. But I didn't. Because it was going to rain. The sky was dark. But there are somethings that didn't change. The group of ah mahs are still sitting round their usual table, gathering together at their usual time, talking about their children or grandchildren or whatnots. I had lived and breathed that area since I knew my ABCs. Pity nothing can stop the wheel of time from moving forth. How I wish I can live as though my life is only concerned with learning my ABCs and 123s. Nothing too much to worry about. Haha.
