Tuesday, May 31
-9:21 pm
"but he had shed his innocence and gained something, something of strange quality that made him an undeniable leader—it was seriousness, confidence, gravitas. Within the space of two seconds' time, Lily realized just how broken James was, and just how much he needed to be healed—just how impossible it would be to heal him.""Lust or Love?" -Sarinileni- A L/J fanfiction.
I guess this is kinda apt to describe who he is.
-10:26 am
You're no him. Out of sight. Out of mind.Not a very shocking revelation. It's expected from him. I won't say that I'm not disappointed, but well, all hopes have gone to naught. I don't know if it's because of my impatience that I've been given this answer, [no I didn't explicitly asked him for it. It just came out from what we were talking.] But I guess this is the answer from God too? Realized that once he said that, I can concentrate more on my studies. I don't have to wait, waste my time on idyllic matters while waiting for him. Quite a fatalist that I am huh? It's the same as last time, just that time passed and we didn't talk. The feelings are gone. In fact, I think it's all like that. I came to an obstacle. I chose not to fight it, rerouted or rather chose not to overcome it. Then another came.
It could be just that I've a too idealistic image for my partner, that I couldn't care much for the guys who could not meet the standards that I have unconsciously set. Those that I do care, well, I'm just treating you as my brothers or really potential partners. Haha. Two very distinct categories. But you know what, there is still this very idealistic and optimistic part of me who wishes that this is not true. Maybe this is just a temporary setback, something provided by the heavens high above to force me to concentrate what should be the most important. Who knows what will happen in the future? In just of couple of months what will happen? If someone had told me that THAT will happen between those two, I would have laugh it off, though secretly I would think it's possible. Never had I thought we would be this familiar with each other too.
Tipping the scales is not what you nor I want. But I did. Inevitably. And you made it worse, though it's not the same side as mine. So technically we are even. Learning to walk this fine line is hard. But I will learn again what needs to be learnt.
You can guess for all you want who I'm talking about. I'm keeping my mouth zipped. When left open, it will just sprout nonsense and make things worse.
Saturday, May 28
-12:43 pm
Egads! End of May. Beginning of June. The immient arrival of BT2. I don't want! So sick lar, to have my life revolving around studies. No wonder the number of blogs being set up EVERYDAY is about 30000. Goes to show how boring life can be.
When parents teach their children about respect, manners, and integrity, do they display it themselves? Especially to the ones who they are teaching? Sometimes, what they do, they contradict what they say. I like my parents, seriously I do and even that I'm fortunate and blessed to have them. They provide me with a home, an education and a good upbringing. The basic necessitites. And nothing more. That's the crux. Nothing more. Sometimes I wonder about their love, or rather their display of love. How is it that they can jokingly say that if we(the children) don't provide for their later life, they are going to sue us in the family court? The little extra money we are making them pay for our bills, she can go fly off the handle just like that. It's not as though we aren't going to pay you back. It's as though they don't trust us at all. As though we are going to fly off with all they have given. As though they raised a pack of ungrateful shit. So when one is exposed to this kind of treatment, even as unfrequent it is, do you expect us to grow up properly? I think I did. I don't know about my brothers though.
But to give them a benefit of doubt, maybe it's 'cause there is rising numbers of youngsters throwing their parents into old folks' homes, giving only money for those caretakers to do THEIR chores. A lack of responsibilities. But isn't that's the parents' fault? For not doing their job correctly? Why can't they have a little trust in us, in themselves at the very least that they did a good job? This lack of trust is rubbing me off. However, I can't say much too, because I don't trust people easily. There are somethings that no matter what, I will still have doubts over it. Maybe you can just look into relationships; I seriously think that my boyfriend is going to be pissed at my lack of trust, or just going to take advantage of my total trust. An extremist and contradictory I know. But it's something I think will happen. Arhgs, I don't know. All I know is, I don't know how to express my feelings sometimes, in my actions especially. People have different interpretations, so I don't know what kind of appropriate actions I should take.
Why can't we have a black and white world?
Wednesday, May 25
-10:57 pm
Whenever I've got something in my mind that I'm itching to write, the computer nor an internet access is near me. Not only do I have to scratch that itch away but make myself forget about what I want to write. Or else I'll have no peace on that day. Will keep thinking about it. So this is the scenario for tonight.
I'm so tired. Tired of everything. Just want to curl up in my little corner on this face of the earth, with that special someone. Pity he has not appear. Maybe he has. I don't know, anything is possible. -shrugs- But now is not the time to worry about such stuff. I just want a good grade in GP. That's all I ask for.
Nonsensical entry. A pack of rubbish.
Monday, May 23
-12:50 pm
Came back from CO chalet organized by the seniors. Heh. Couldn't say it was exciting since it was more or less a gathering of sorts for them. But well, at least I got to know a few more seniors and a little more history about CO in their years. Called down us juniors 'cause well, it's always good to know your juniors or seniors in my case, right? Heh. But well, in the end only 5 of us went. I don't know if Sin Yee, Wee and Aaron enjoyed or not, 'cause they like abit sian by the whole thing, kinda like wasting their time there. Now going down a guilt trip. =p
Well, basically we didn't do much. Reached there at about 4/5 odd? Ate a little, played Dai Dee. Then some of rotted near the musical fountain because we missed the earlier show. Yuqing and Hester went off by themselves to the Asian Civilisation and kinda pissed off by them for not trying to come down quickly to meet us when they were supposed to. Well, I guess that's what you get when you put too latecoming king/queen together. Haha. Watched musical fountain. Acks, the show was kinda kiddy, with the mascot and the mcee jumping around. Undeniably though, some of the lightings were beautiful. Heh. Went to the beach with them after that, and that's after we had changed. The moon was so bright that the place looked as though it's 5 in the morning when in fact it's only 12 midnight? Wow.. And I saw alot of stars! Whee! So nice.. Anyway, the 3 of them soon walked away from where we were, leaving only Hester, Yuqing and me. Yq went to sleep, so Hester and I got to talk. And we really talked about alot of stuff. Whew, even more stuff then with my secondary clique. Really brought out all the "old accounts" and cleared them. Haha. And I really have to mention about a group of boys who are probably younger than the both of us. They were calling vulgarities in the midst of the night, calling us - you know that kind where they are trying to hook up girls? Irritating pigs. Because we were the only 2 girls around, it's getting scary with what they were trying to do. So much so that we called Yq up. Then Aaron came along, saying the seniors were nearby. I think that was pretty much where the interaction between them seniors and us juniors began. Or rather more of me talking to them than the rest to them. Acks. Went back to the hut [it's really really really small!!!!!!! Haha.] Talked abit more, then people started to sleep, even though Michelle tried to keep the conversation going. Haha, kinda sorry to her. Anyway, I didn't want to sleep/couldn't sleep so I went out the room and then chatted up with Mervin and Gary. Both are like so old to me, even though they are only 2/3 years older. Haha. Slept some more after that, then went for breakfast and then home bound! Yeah.
Hmm, all in all, it was a nice experience, getting to know more people and learning about interesting histories. Even though we were abit anti-social. And some more without Kenneth's presence, we managed to survive! Haha. Hope they will come back to CO room more often too, haha, then can interact more. I wouldn't say it was quite a failure in yesterday's gathering? For me at least. Hmm, hope this juniors/seniors bonding will continue even after out batch. Or else it's kinda sad if it is to stop. And sadly, Kenneth had to stay in the hospital for a night 'cause of his chest infection. Wondering if he's doing okay?
Friday, May 20
-9:54 pm
All right, so my blog has been passworded, [ all thanks to Aik Tat. Hehe.] but that doesn't mean that I can write anything I want on this blog. Reason being that the content can still be posted on the internet. Passwording the blog only limits the people entering and reading whatever I have to say. Not that I have a lot to say anyway.
To those who have got the password, I hope you guys can leave a message on the tagboard so that I can know you have been here? Not all the time of course, but perhaps on your first visit.
Just a few days ago, I complained to someone about guys been un-manly nowadays. I know many will BEG to differ but maybe look at mine point of view? Well, for girls, we definitely want guys to be the protector, the provider, the MAN. No matter how feminist we claim to be. Just hidden in some primitive side of us, we just want to be at home caring for the family and do the nuturing. I for one want that. I don't want to go into the battlefield of the executives. It's dirty and ugly. But what to do, we've gotta provide for the family. However what do we see? Guys being wishy-washy, can't make a decision for heaven knows why, going around gossiping, saying one thing but doing the next [a hypocrite?], talking behind people's backs, shrinking from responsibilities? Sometimes I think I'm even more man than those people. I am not saying that ALL the guys are like that, but some of them are just so .. ughs. Why can't you be proud that you are a MAN? God let you be a man, can't you display some testosterone? I am not asking you to go all violent and MCP, goodness, imagine the horrors. I know in this age/time, one can't go being the da nan ren without getting himself killed, by the feminists of course. Heck, you've gotta be sensitive to feelings. Horrible and tedious task, but aren't there examples of guys who carried themselves well? There's no set structure that a guy must be, you have gotta work around it, giving a unique character to yourself. Once a guy get some character and is confident of himself, I'm pretty sure he's attractive to many girls. BECAUSE we are looking for someone who can take care of himself and herself along with all the emotional burdens. I don't think many of us [in fact all?] are looking for "jie meis" as our future husbands and are willing to become the xiao nu ren? Maybe it's just me, but yeah I'm willing as long this guy proves that I don't have to don on the role of being his 'big sister' or his 'mother'. I'm playing that role in everyday of my life.
Just let me be a girl for him. A real girl.
Sunday, May 15
-9:51 pm
I'm passwording my blog. Thanks to Bel. ^^ All interested in gaining entry to my soon-to-be restricted blog please PM me or tag, if you are in time that is. Goodbye to a world of free speech, or so we thought we had. Hello to MY world of free speech.
Some people have just got nothing else better to do.
-1:07 am
Like strangers we have become.
Despairing on that tidbit.
Maybe it's just me who thought we have a little bit more.
-shrugs- i guess not.
CO chalet at Sentosa.
Next sunday and monday.
Organized by seniors.
Anyone interested please contact me/Pey Ling/Kenneth.
All are invited.
Thursday, May 12
-11:07 pm
There's nothing in this world that allow us to keep our privacy. And yet people lament at the loss of trust. Blogging is not our little of world of complains and thoughts. All because of this little thing call World Wide Web.
I guess it's right to say that nothing is going to be personal if it's going to be posted on the WWW. For the fun of it, if someone's is to do a google on his/her name and find unwanted accusations and allegations, then I'm sure he/she will be fuming, warranted that he/she has done nothing to be subjected to such harsh words. All right, I'm thinking of password-ing my entries or even moving away to diary-x. In this way I can blog in peace as well as keeping away unwanted visitors. Bel, any idea? By the way, nice skin. Heh.
peace out.
Monday, May 9
-10:06 pm
IFSP
The Artist
As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.
ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.
ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.
ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Feeling
Auxilliary: Extraverted Sensing
Tertiary: Introverted Intuition
Inferior: Extraverted Thinking
I'm casting some doubts over what they say.. hahah.ISFPs generally have the following traits:
Keen awareness of their environment
Live in the present moment
Enjoy a slower pace - they like to take time to savor the present moment
Dislike dealing with theory or abstract thought, unless they see a practical application
Faithful and loyal to people and ideas which are important to them
Individualistic, having no desire to lead or follow
Take things seriously, although they frequently appear not to
Special bond with children and animals
Quiet and reserved, except with people they know extremely well
Trusting, sensitive, and kind
Service-oriented; they're driven to help others
Extremely well-developed appreciation for aesthetic beauty
Likely to be original and unconventional
Learn best with hands-on training
Hate being confined to strict schedules and regimens
Need space and freedom to do things their own way
Dislike mundane, routine tasks, but will perform them if necessary
The ISFP is a very special individual who needs to have a career which is more than a job. The middle of the road is not likely to be a place where they will be fulfilled and happy. They need to have a career which is consistent with their strong core of inner values. Since they prefer to live in the current moment, and take the time to savor it, they do not do well with some of the more fast-paced corporate environments. They need a great deal of space and freedom if they are going to function in their natural realm of acute sensory awareness. If they give free reign to their natural abilities, they may find a wonderful artist within themselves. Almost every major artist in the world has been an ISFP. Since the ISFP is so acutely aware of people's feelings and reactions, and is driven by their inner values to help people, the ISFP is also a natural counselor and teacher.
The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an ISFP. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.
Possible Career Paths for the ISFP:
Artist
Musician / Composer
Designer
Child Care / Early Childhood Development
Social Worker / Counselor
Teacher
Psychologist
Veterinarian
Forest Ranger
Pediatrician
quite true.. ISFJ
The Nurturer
As an ISFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you takes things in via your five senses in a literal, concrete fashion. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.
ISFJs live in a world that is concrete and kind. They are truly warm and kind-hearted, and want to believe the best of people. They value harmony and cooperation, and are likely to be very sensitive to other people's feelings. People value the ISFJ for their consideration and awareness, and their ability to bring out the best in others by their firm desire to believe the best.
ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.
ISFJs have a very clear idea of the way things should be, which they strive to attain. They value security and kindness, and respect traditions and laws. They tend to believe that existing systems are there because they work. Therefore, they're not likely to buy into doing things in a new way, unless they're shown in a concrete way why its better than the established method.
ISFJs learn best by doing, rather than by reading about something in a book, or applying theory. For this reason, they are not likely to be found in fields which require a lot of conceptual analysis or theory. They value practical application. Traditional methods of higher education, which require a lot of theorizing and abstraction, are likely to be a chore for the ISFJ. The ISFJ learns a task best by being shown its practical application. Once the task is learned, and its practical importance is understood, the ISFJ will faithfully and tirelessly carry through the task to completion. The ISFJ is extremely dependable.
The ISFJ has an extremely well-developed sense of space, function, and aesthetic appeal. For that reason, they're likely to have beautifully furnished, functional homes. They make extremely good interior decorators. This special ability, combined with their sensitivity to other's feelings and desires, makes them very likely to be great gift-givers - finding the right gift which will be truly appreciated by the recipient.
More so than other types, ISFJs are extremely aware of their own internal feelings, as well as other people's feelings. They do not usually express their own feelings, keeping things inside. If they are negative feelings, they may build up inside the ISFJ until they turn into firm judgments against individuals which are difficult to unseed, once set. Many ISFJs learn to express themselves, and find outlets for their powerful emotions.
Just as the ISFJ is not likely to express their feelings, they are also not likely to let on that they know how others are feeling. However, they will speak up when they feel another individual really needs help, and in such cases they can truly help others become aware of their feelings.
The ISFJ feels a strong sense of responsibility and duty. They take their responsibilities very seriously, and can be counted on to follow through. For this reason, people naturally tend to rely on them. The ISFJ has a difficult time saying "no" when asked to do something, and may become over-burdened. In such cases, the ISFJ does not usually express their difficulties to others, because they intensely dislike conflict, and because they tend to place other people's needs over their own. The ISFJ needs to learn to identify, value, and express their own needs, if they wish to avoid becoming over-worked and taken for granted.
ISFJs need positive feedback from others. In the absence of positive feedback, or in the face of criticism, the ISFJ gets discouraged, and may even become depressed. When down on themselves or under great stress, the ISFJ begins to imagine all of the things that might go critically wrong in their life. They have strong feelings of inadequacy, and become convinced that "everything is all wrong", or "I can't do anything right".
The ISFJ is warm, generous, and dependable. They have many special gifts to offer, in their sensitivity to others, and their strong ability to keep things running smoothly. They need to remember to not be overly critical of themselves, and to give themselves some of the warmth and love which they freely dispense to others.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Sensing
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Intuition
adapted from http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFP_car.html
quite true too =P
-10:05 pm
Your #1 Match: ISFP
|
The Artist
You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.
You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer. |
Your #2 Match: ISFJ
|
The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.
A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways.
In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.
You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. |
Your #3 Match: INFP
|
The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.
Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.
It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.
But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist. |
Your #4 Match: ESFP
|
The Performer
You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.
You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor. |
Your #5 Match: INFJ
|
The Protector
You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.
You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher. |
Sunday, May 8
-12:09 am
Hmm, after talking to people and reading blogs for the past few days, it seemed like I've been leading a sheltered life. It's not like I choose it to be that way. It's just that God or some would say life gave this path to me, expose me to lesser storms so to speak. People that I usually meet are like that - happy-go-lucky life, no tremendous upheaval in their personal or family life etc. I don't purposely go and find people who have their life in the mud just so I can know how their life goes. So what I know? Can I do anything about it? Heck, do THEY even want me to do something about it? For all I know, they just classify me as some kapoh. And that makes me feel bad for like stepping into their territory. I guess that kinda create this trait in me - if it's not for me to know, I wouldn't ask too much. But if I know intentionally or unintentionally, I would make it my business to at least ask about it. To do something about it, well, I guess that will depend on whether my actions actually makes a difference.. and whether the parties involved appreciate them.
Leading a sheltered life is not that bad. At least you wouldn't turn cynical or be disillusioned by what is going on in your life/presented into your life. I still think that ignorance is bliss. But some people don't think so and are actually quite offended and pissed they meet people like that. "Don't know don't know" their life through. Hey, it's not like they don't know anything seriously lor, it's just perhaps they choose not to say about much stuff. One has to be careful of what you say and to what people these things are said to. You can't trust all the people you meet these days, although that seriously should not be the way. There are things that some people wish to keep from certain people, that's why I don't tell them to these certain people. Or it's just that I don't think they should know. Everyone is entitled to their secrets. If the whole world is to know about everything, then there isn't much need for "secrets" nor privacy right? Hell, why don't you just broadcast it to the whole world? Okay this is certainly not aimed at anyone. Especially to who just let me into certain things. It's just a thought.
Last performance of my entire musical life. I can't be sure if it's really going to be my last. But well, I certainly can't be sure if I'll join an orchestra again. This past 1.5 years in SACO has been a hell of a ride. Met people whom I can talk to. Had wacky times. Had depressing times. Fun, laughter, joys and amazing people. What more can I ask for? XD
Saturday, May 7
-9:46 am
A tribute to all:
(I know I'm a little late):: Don't Quit ::
When things go wrong,
as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging
seems all up hill,
When the funds are low,
And the debts are high,
And you want to smile,
but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he struck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow,
You may suceed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick in the fight when you're hardst hit,
It's when things seem worse,
That you must not quit.
-Annoymous-
Monday, May 2
-9:45 pm
The big day is tomorrow! Oh gosh, this is so exciting. Not that I won't say I'm not nervous but really, not now. Really praying hard for a silver tomorrow, heck, there are people who are saying silver is probably not that hard to get, with our currently standard. I sincerely hope so. SACO has really improved over the past few months, especially since this year. We were probably wrong to say that most of the orchestra were indifferent to the results we will be getting, but looking at how we improved and how we listened to mistakes and rectifying them, I say there is actually more unity than what was shown!
Said a little prayer for the orchestra just now, especially for a certain few, prayed nothing will go wrong, and all will give their best tomorrow.. But enjoying music and creating it should be the most important things we learnt over the past year or so. Like what the sheng teacher told us, we are only in this orchestra for an approximate of 9 months. Nothing should be more important than that (ie creating music and all) and as well as the friendships we have made. Getting what kind of result should be secondary. Amen to that. Keep us in your prayers!
SACO ALL THE WAY! xD
Sunday, May 1
-10:57 am
50 things for S'porean teens!!! [memories :-)]
1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silver hawk and Mickey
Mouse. Not to forget, Ninja turtles and Smurfs too.
2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during
recess time. You will squat by a drain with all your classmates beside
you, and brush your teeth with a coloured mug. The teachers said you
must brush each side 10 times too.
3. You know what's Bin(1) Fen(1) Ba (1) San(1)is all about.
4. You know what SBC stands for.
5. You were there when the first chinese serial, the Awakening was shown on TV.
6. Internet? What the hell is that? So you thought a decade or more ago.
7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in Secondary school.
8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats are made of
wood and the cushion is red. The big red bell gives a loud BEEEP! when
pressed. There are colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor
will check torn tickets by using a machine which punches a hole on the
ticket.
9. Your favourite actor and actress is Huang Wenyong and Xiangyun.
Next is Lee Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman.
10. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who's
Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable.
11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for
the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to
see the scenery.
12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
13. Gals are fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
14. You learn to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
15. You longed to buy tibits called Kaka(20 cents per pack),and Ding
Dang(50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week
not forgetting the 15 cents animal crackersand ring pop, where the
lollipop is the diamond on the ring.
16. You watched TV2(also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel
5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials
you watched on TV2.
18. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators,Famous Five and
Secret Seven are probably the thickest story books you ever thought
you have read. Even SweetValley High and Malory Towers.
19. Civics and Moral Education was "Hao3 Gong1 Min2".
20. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that serve food in plates
and let you use metal forks and knives.
21. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and THE MOST
EXTREME WAS 'super whit e'...you just couldn't bring yourself to say
the hokkien relative.
22. Catching was the IN thing and twist was the magic word.
23. Your English workbooks was made of some damn poor quality paper
that was smooth and yellow.
24. CDIS was your best friend.
25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixellised
characters in 16 colours walking about trying to teach you maths.
26. Waterbottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court.
28. Hopskotch, five stones,chateh and Zero point were all the rage
with the girls and boys too...
29. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most
important plants of our lives.
30. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John,eternalized in our
minds from the textbooks. Even Mr Willy.
31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.
32. Every child ren's day and national day you either get pins or pens
with 'Happy Children's Day 1993' or dumb files with Happy National Day
1994'.
33. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like
sister and brother.
34. Chinese teachers were always old, boring and damn fierce-looking.
35. Your form teacher taught you maths, science and english.
36. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, dry
your feet, and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
38. Famous Chinese singers were only Jacky Cheung, Andy Lau, Aaron
Kwok and Leon Lai.
39. School dismissal time was normally around 1 pm.
40. There would be spelling tests and mental sums to do almost everyday.
41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave
you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone
gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to
height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
44. Handkerchiefs were a must for both genders
45. Collecting notebooks and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing.
46. Autograph books were loaded with "Best Wishes", "Forget Me Not",
and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch.Friend like you,
hard to forget".
47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk some more,I
write your name ah!"
48. There were at least 40 people in one class.
49. Large, colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one
thing called the timetable.
51. Parkway parade was the best shopping center in the world and Paco
funworld was like disneyland.
Sure bring back memories. Heh, thanks Sin Yee. Feeling slightly better now. I guess I was just rambling. Think I should hang out with people who are more "bright". Haha. ['Cause I'm easily influenced by people around me. If they let their "dark" side loose, I'm affected too. Sighs]
-9:33 am
I'm not in church now. And I feel absolutely horrible. Even if it's for school work. Just got this horrible guilty feeling for not going. It's as though going for church will make my day all the more brighter. Maybe it does. It's so ingrained in me that I wake up at 7.30 promptly to start my preparation to go to church. Ponning church is probably not my cup of tea, no matter how much I want it.
People had been saying I looked sad/depressed the past few days. Does one's feelings really present themselves on the surface? Or is it only to those who care noticed? I am feeling down, but for what reasons I can't fathom. Have some ideas about it, but somethings are just not bloggable. I'm feeling like a thin line stretched to my limits. I really don't know what to do about it. People come to me for advices, fall to me for support and strength. But it's a little tiring sometimes.. Do I have someone I can fall on? I feel kind of old sometimes, and I can't find anybody else on this same level of ......... I can't find the word for it. Maybe there's a couple, but even they are too old for me or just that they never showed it to me. I know friends are supposed to be in this suppporting role and all, it's just that sometimes they don't make the cut. Yeah, we had fun and all, but I don't know if they can understand. Hey, the world is full of angsty people and they are definitely worse than me. Me, I'm probably just exaggerating my situation. Some may even think it's small case. It is maybe to you, but not for me. Just feel that if I don't find a release soon, I'm going to die soon. Not physically but probably mentally. And sometimes I just ask, where is God in all these? He's so far up high in heaven, has He prepare that someone for me?
No man's a rock. Where are you my rock?
