Saturday, July 30
-9:15 pm
Goodness, I haven't sleep for the past 40 hours at least! Sleep = deep sleep kind, where you lose consciousness and all. It's eluding me because of stupid caffine!!!!! Now I know what to do if I want to chiong all through the night and day. I'm not sleepy at all, not even a yawn. Still can go do some mugging, not that I did alot of it today. [But I will never be like Thomas, who liked spent the whole night studying and then come school and sleep.. siaO!] Spent most of the day doing newsletter for YF. It was dragged too long liao. My fault. Kee and the teachers not happy. Deadlines and more deadline. After this, there is another one known as PRELIMS. Oh hell. Never mind that, I've got some more steam left, I WILL mug finish. All unburnt/reserves shall be thrown in, but that's of course in lieu of the A levels too. Gotta keep some for that, because that's the most important one. XD
I don't want to go - AvalonYou changed my world
When You came to me.
You drove a passion,
In my soul down deep,
Lord, to follow You in everything.
I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want to go.
So come whatever,
(Whatever may come)
I'll stick with You.
(Right by Your side)
I'll walk You'll lead me,
Call me crazy or a fool,
For forever I promise You...
That I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be where You are.
So I don't want to go
Without Your touch,
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean.
For Your grace is enough,
Enough for me.
Never want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there.
No, no, no, no.
I don't want to go somewhere
If I know that You're not there,
'Cause I know that me without You is a lie.
And I don't want to walk that road,
Be a million miles from home,
Cause my heart needs to be right where You are.
So I don't want to go. No, no.
Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Without Your touch,
Without Your love
Filling me like an ocean.
Your grace is enough,
I don't want to go.
I don't want to go somewhere,
If I know that You're not there.
I don't want to be there without You.
Without your touch,
(I don't want to go somewhere,)
Without you love
(If I know that You're not there.
I don't want to be there without You.)
I don't want to go. No, no.
(I don't want to go somewhere,
If I know that You're not there.
I don't want to be there without You.)
If You're not there.
Filling me, loving me.
I don't want to go.
Don't want to go.
(Don't want to go, don't want to go there without you.)
There without you.
(Don't want to go)
Don't want to be
(Don't want to go, don't want to go)
There without you.
(There without you.)
Everything to me - AvalonI grew up in sunday school
I memorized the golden rule
And how Jesus came to set the sinner free (sinner free).
I know the story inside out
I can tell you all about
The path that lead him up on Calvary
But ask me why He loves me
And I don’t know what to say,
But I’ll never be the same because
He changed my life when He became…
(Chorus)
Everything to me! (everything to me)
He’s more than a story (more than a story)
More than words on a page of history.
He’s the air that I breathe, (air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for, (water I thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
He’s everything, everything to me! (Ahhh, Ooooh, Ahhh, Ooooh)
(Verse 2 – Up one chord)
We’re living in uncertain times
And more and more I find that I’m
Aware of just how fragile life can be.
I want to tell the world I found
The love that turned my life around
They need to know that they can taste and see.
Now everyday I’m praying
Just to give my heart away (to give away my life)
I want to live for Jesus
So that someone else might see that He is…
(Chorus)
Everything, everything (ev’rything to me)
He’s more than a story (…to me)
More than words on a page of history
(The air that I breathe) He’s the air that I breathe (air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for (water I thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
Oh, He’s everything! (Oh , He’s everything!)
And looking back over my life at the end
(I’m going to be…) I’ll go to meet you saying you’ve been…
(Refrain)
You’re everything to me (ohhhh)
More than a story (ohhh)
(More than…) More than words on a page of history (history) (history)…
(Chorus - Up one chord)
You’re everything to me! (everything to me)
You’re more than a story (more than a story)
More than words on a page of history.
You’re the air that I breathe (the air that I breathe)
The water I thirst for (thirst for)
And the ground beneath my feet
You’re (everything) everything! Lord, You’re everything to me!
(Everything to me) (The Water I thirst for)
You’re everything to me, Jesus! Ohhhh!
(Everything to me) (Water I thirst for)
The Air I breathe, the Sun I see…Ohhhh!
(Everything to me) Everything to me!
You’re my Life, my Love, Everything.
Two of my current favourite christian songs. Think Avalon is my favourite band liao. Don't really like Hillsongs. Hahaa.
-12:47 am
Felt lethargic the whole day. Maybe it's 'cause I ran without any breakfast. Used up all my stored glucose. Lols. Oh wells. Coffee ain't helping to set me up on high, because I really do feel like mugging, but then no motivation. Sighs. Tomorrow then. Since there's no need for me to go racky tomorrow! Hehe. Happy but in a way, sadded too. Because that would mean that we will have to go to the flyer distribution thingy which is chao sian. I know it's for the good of the people.. In the sense that it is harvesting. Ie: letting the people in sembawang/yishun area to know about this church in this area and therefore get to know about God! "Which tuanqi dares to say that it's good in evanglism?" Well, I guess before you say that, are you yourself good in that too? Besides, there aren't any proper workshops that trained us to do so. Your actions and attitudes are contradicting each other. Where is the so-called motivation? How to look for you all for conviction? I think it's just the culture in the church.. Not entirely you people's fault too. The members too aren't very enthusiastic too, since out of 200 odd people, at least half the population are over the age of 40. Energy level too low. Lols. Products are too stable. [Okay, that was too much chemistry in it.]Wasn't raised in a devout family, myself isn't very steadfast in my faith. =| All the highs and lows. [Though I really want to.] But I shall continue to be strong. Continue to pray and study God's words. Please pray for me.
Disillusioned.
Wednesday, July 27
-11:53 pm
Learning Festival opened with a BANG today! Haha, quite literally. [For me at least.] Mr Lam's cold opening wasn't counted, though he did really tried hard. Haha. Gotta give him credit for that. Sneaky feeling it was probably one of Ms Ho's infamous lame ideas. Oops, sorry for that Ms Ho. You know I don't mean that. Hehs. *Blink innocent eyes* LOL. Anyway, the Jazz Band was SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wahaha. I love the singer's voice! It's so rich and warm, sultry too sometimes. I wouldn't say she's hot but she has got a terrific voice. And wen, I don't think she's off key, maybe she was just trying to sing a different style from the original? It's like all bands have to create an unique style of their own, they can't be possibly always doing covers of the songs? Though I do agree that her version of "Yu Jian" wasn't well done. Her voice not suited for this kind of delicate-y songs lar. Not qing cui enough I guess..
After that was.. Impress at First Sight! The speaker was engaging and humourous enough. Think it's one of the rare times that the school participated so actively. Hahah. Learnt some new stuff, even bought her book with Bel. Going to take down notes if possible. I mean I have gotta learn how to dress up some bit. A little less of T-shirts and jeans. And more skirts and blouses. -sighs- But I will say I did improve, when window shopping that is. At least I looked at skirts too, though they are denim. Shall endeavour to look at other type of skirts la, but that's provided I don't go shopping with my mother. Haha, I don't know, maybe it's part of growing up. It is kinda weird to try things when she doesn't give her opinion about it. I've gotta decide on my own wardrobe. Not that it's a bad thing but well, usually it always feel better to have someone agreeing or disagreeing with your choice isn't it? She does have restrictions on what I wear. As long as I don't reveal too much of my legs [not that I have a lot to show too.. -.-], it'll be fine by her. So I can't buy that kind of ultra short shorts because she doesn't like it. Not that I really like it too, but if I buy like the biggest size, it wouldn't look that short.. Ah well, anything to make her happy. =)
Then came French. But before that, Bel and I pissed Hester off. Again. Because of well, our insensitivity. [To think that I even passed the sensitivity test just moments ago.] It's only about writing names on books, new ones especially. Well, it kinda irked us off, just writing something on a book. I don't know, it just feels weird to do that and it's kinda like juvenile to me. But really it's just really me. Just ignore me or just don't even let me know about it, I won't be rubbed off the wrong way. I'm really sorry for what happened. Well, but at least all of that were under the bridge. Just hope it won't be raised up again. Anyway, back to French. It was.. well, not very entertaining to say the least. Learning languages are definitely fun, especially to me. But well, when you can't get the 'rr-s' right, which is a big thing in French, it just irritates me, because I can't get it right. And the Frenchs? They speak damn fast. It's like, whoa! Mr Newby was a patient teacher, a little funny but a just a tad dry. Hmm, at least we brought some French home today. Haha.
Aaron and Wee Long, quit asking me that. I'll tell when I'm ready.
Sunday, July 24
-12:29 am
I knew it. Damn it. I just knew I shouldn't do it. Just kill me. Like whatever. Gah..
Wednesday, July 20
-8:23 pm
Live is so boring now. I don't know, it just seems so. Looking back at past entries, J1 life seemed to be more interesting, with all the activities. There WERE colours, or at least in those entries here. Now, everything kinda lack the luster to make it more beautiful or exciting. Or maybe it's just me being too lazy to blog them all down. It's tiring to describe everything out and especially so if there's no one to appreciate the memories together. To make things worse, my english ain't that fantastic to aptly detail everything out for your/my reading pleasure. Hahaha. [Lost confidence in English ever since GP surfaced in my life. Haiz.] Back to life now, guess it's the thought of studying for the impending A levels that is making me look so glum/gloomy/grouchy. Hmm, but to think of it, if I've studied consistently then it shouldn't be that much of a problem right? -__- *gets depressed even more* Right. Whatever. Just hope that once A levels is over, my world will be tilt right back on its axis. Maybe my blog will once again fill with post other than complaints about studying.
But come to think of it, if A levels is to be over, what will become of us? We aren't exactly students anymore. Well guys, you all at least have NS to go. C'mon admit it, though you really hated the idea of going in to suffer physical exertions like never before, but hey, at least you have some sort of definite identity to recouncil with. Us girls have got to make a transition between a student to a working adult. Not here nor there. I don't know how much this is going to be an issue to me but for now, I'm not exactly looking forward to ending my school life. Seriously if I could, I would just say "To hell with the A levels". However I don't possess that kind of courage. No longer will we be sheltered in the little haven called school. No more teachers to look for when met with troubles. No more random meeting of friends along the corridors. No more laughing at those with weird erm.. stuff. Though that really shouldn't be the way. No more bells to propel us forth. No more school life. It feels so sad that the monotony of working life is setting in, in just for a few months. Less than half a year in fact. Yeah well for money I know, but then being a working person is a world away from being a student. Working = Routine. Blatantly Boring. Not unless I get to work as a Globe Trekker, but that's serious bull.
Then come university. Wonder how different it will be from the usual school system. Not in terms of the way to study but rather the social hierachy, the workings of it. Is it possible to find close friends as I had done in my previous and current schools? Or will we only become acquaintences? Maybe you guys will know about my rant about finding a boyfriend in the uni, but really, wonder if that's probable? It seem like a daunting task. For all I know, because of that, I stop looking for potential boyfriends, and just settle as friends. Not a risk-taker, I am. Lalala. So sad. I don't want the love of my life [if there's even one to boot.] to go for greener pastures leh. Haha. If he's just around me, then let's hope that he and me will wake up to our senses quickly and not waste time. But I hardly think the chance of that ie. he's in my current circle of friends, occuring is high. Erm, no offense guys. Hahaha. But then who knows what God has in mind. -shrugs- Trying to keep an open mind. Lols.
"Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly."
-Graduation (Friends Forever)- Vitamin CWe've got only a few more months to psycho ourselves to think like the last 2 lines of this verse. Press on! Cheerios.
Sunday, July 17
-9:11 pm
Hehs, had bowling today with almost all the young people/adults at Orchid Country Club, OCC for short. Had fun of course, but didn't manage to beat my high score. Oh well, but at least I got to cross the hundred mark. Haha, not bad for a person who always curved her ball the wrong way. Anyways, Zhong Yao uncle was damn zai lar. 270 leh. 8/9 strikes in a row!! OMG! It's like woah! And the other 2 frames were spares. Goodness.. I know they go down once in a while after their choir practice for a few games, but damn, he's really good. I mean, people do miss once in a while, but then to have had gotten a perfect score was one mean feat. Man, ou xiang sia. Hahah.
Thursday, July 14
-3:46 pm
Light
Which element rules your life?(pics) brought to you by Quizilla Can someone just bestow me with all the books by Nicholas Sparks and Mitch Albom? I love them! Hahaha.
-3:24 pm
Thought it was a long time since I last blogged but apparently it isn't so. Oh wells, nothing much going on but yesterday was the last actual day we spent in CO room after a practice. The days where we used to stay back to chat and plan have since past. Thinking back, guess it was all that moments spent together that gel us into this tight-knitted group.
Poignant memories. -smiles-
The stepping down of the 27th SC today perhaps gave a glimpse of how it will be like on our farewell. Although we might not have done anything as significant or important as the SC did, but the effort, the heart, the tears and the pain are and will never be less noteworthy than theirs! XP
Probably will go on a hiatus. I don't know. I'm not blogging as frequently as I used to. The novelty of it has gone to naught. Haha, not entirely so though. Life's becoming more routine by the day. With the exclusion of CO practices and the decrease in YF activities, all I can think of is actually to really settle down and study. Will need to tye up all the "loose ends" - cutting away from all the computer time and reading. I'm actually feeling guilty of reading books even for leisure. Not a good sign. -sighs- I NEED to mug out marks for my essays, GP in particular. Failing it for prelims or 'A' levels is not an option!
Please do bug me to study if I'm procrastinating. I need to be bugged, if there is even such a word. Haha. Till next blog!
Sunday, July 10
-11:43 pm
Had a talk with didi. Once again enlightened that relationships are sticky business. Haiz. Haha. But then that never stopped anyone from getting into it. And that's how humans procreate anyway.
Relationships.. That's all I talked about recently huh. I don't know. But it fascinates me alot. It's like no matter how one analyses it, there will always be different outcomes. -shrugs-
I have changed priorities now. That's why I do things differently now. Different attitudes toward some things too, if you want to say that. It shouldn't be that way but I just can't somehow stick to my resolve even if I want to, because that isn't really a resolve. Bleh. Sickening. Haha. I apologize for any headaches I have caused you guys, but maybe until I am given a solution to those problems I really care, then I guess, I can concentrate better. Argh. Bad of me. Sighs..
-12:40 am
LoLs, blogger finally updated the number of entries I've posted. 219. Wows. This has really become a dumping ground for my life for the past 1.5 years. Haha.
Many things happened today. J1s stepping up, Pey Ling's birthday celebrations, unearthing some truths, which shed light to some things, but led to more grouses too. Haha. Oh well, that can be biased too. Arcad-ing. Pretty much a fun day. Although we were pretty worried of what to do when we had like 4 hours to while away as there weren't any suitable movies to watch.. And luckily we didn't. Going to the arcade was more fun. Haha, we even left a position 7 in one of the machines for "Concentration". "SACO Rocks". LoL.
She really hated him for being like that. Always can't make up his mind in doing something. Wonder if he knows that. I share her sentiments. It's good enough that a girl is wishy-washy, but a guy? Sighs. It's really frustrating and hurting when someone promised to do something but yet never fulfilled them. Strike one for you. As for you, I really wish you can stop doing all those things that you are doing. It's confusing me. I don't know how and what to see you as. The only assurance that I have is that you do that to all that you know. I guess I'm just too sensitive and too not used to guys treating me like that. Maybe meeting you is to do that - get used to it. But this kind of things shouldn't be like that I thought? Haha, oh wells. And I forgot to do the thing I told Liz that I will do. No opportunity and it was not at a suitable place. =P Just please don't mess with me if you aren't serious about it.. I'll really take it the wrong way.
xiang tai duo le. lei le. wo yao qu shui jiao. ge wei wan an.
Saturday, July 9
-12:41 am
Thinking too much.
Landed myself with a headache that lasted throughout the day.
Sickened by results.
Sian.
I need to change..
Stepping down tomorrow, though it's unofficially.
Been one year already. Time really flies.
Can't believe it.
But there's nothing to be done about it. Have fun J1s, because we did. XD
Monday, July 4
-9:56 am
So many thoughts that went through the times I didn't blog. So many things had happened. So much new input that I don't know what to do about them. Hahaha. Oh well, maybe just give a short one for each..
Went to East Coast Park on Friday. Heh, was it empty sia! Rented bikes for the whole day for just 5 bucks. Can you believe it? Yeah, I think you can. But anyways, the uncle was pretty kind, helped me to tune the bike to one that was easy to begin with, then he taught me some starters on riding a bicycle. But the real credit should go to Nafang, Audrey, Rebacca, Amanda and Yit Shan. Hahah! They really pushed me and encouraged me to the end! So after an hour plus, I finally managed to hop onto the bicycle, albeit unsteady. So happy! The feeling was unbelieveable. I mean, like imagine 18 years had passed without knowing how to ride a bike, always have to depend on others to transport you around. It's kind of embarrassing. But well, of course, being the beginner, mishaps were a must. So I crashed into a person cycling, a TRUCK, [imagine that..], fell. =P Now I have got 2 big bruises to show off.. Can't wear skirt. Suck. Hahaha. All in all, it was a good day. Had a good dinner in parkway parade. Chugged all the way home in 31 and 88. Heh.
Then came saturday. Went shopping for YF stuff, bought Kee's shirt too. Haha, she really anyhow buy de, but it's not bad lar. Slacked the way through, then went for Youth Day worship rehearsal. All I can say about the person in charge is: He's the worst I can ever ask for. Just because they dragged abit, don't know how to arrange themselves, there wasn't any need for you to reprimend them. And some more, you think you are so great, why don't you do the whole thing by yourself? We couldn't sing out the meaning, is that really our fault? Is there a need to bring in expectations from your former corporate to a church? A religious institution? Anyhow change the key of the song, and expect the band to be able to adapt quickly, and when they couldn't, you get upset, what is your problem? Say want to be more receptive to others' opinions? My ass. You expect people to do your way and only your words count. What for setting up the stupid committee and waste people's time? Why don't we just let you carry on with this one man show and see how the church will go? It's becoming so charismatic.. sighs. I'm so sadded by this. Then went for supper with some of them. Didn't know there were even more grouses over that guy. Wah lau. Damn sian by him.
Shopped for Hester's present on sunday, in suntec. Haha. Nothing much, just very tiring. Whole day out. Met up with Kenneth, let him write the card, got scolded by the shopkeeper. Lols.
Shit. I'm going to be late.
Friday, July 1
-1:00 am
So screwed for Chemistry. So screwed. I can't believe it myself. I'm so stupid. It's just blatant stupidity. What more can I say? There are things that I KNEW how to do but guess what? I remembered the wrong facts. What the fuck. So depressed over it. Just looking at the paper again made me wanna puke. Even though Initial D did help a little in lifting the mood, but just somehow at the back of my mind, my stupidity kept mocking back. Can't even enjoy the movie properly. So pissed. I know, I didn't study very well for it, so I don't deserve alot. But for questions that I really really know how to tackle? It's like a slap in the face lar. Nothing really did lifted my mood. Not even that bowl of kuey chap. Not even him.
Can't smile. Can't help thinking back. Just want to beat myself up for it. Once the panic button was pressed, everything went haywired. Want to take the paper back again. Just to do those that I really know how to do. I don't even care about that stupid Ksp question. I just wanna redo those that required facts that I DO know. I know there are people who did worse, and I shouldn't be complaining that much. But it's the disappointment that is rubbing at me. Disappointment from so many people, even though it may just be imaginary. I just want to do my best, is that something wrong? .....
I guess I'm just angry that my best can't get me what I want. Sian. Sian sian. Sian sian sian. I can just go on forever. But I will confess that I didn't really put much effort into Chemistry. It's just like what I said previously, I couldn't find the mood nor the interest to study anymore, even though it was the last paper, last lap and all. But then somehow I think I can just kill myself for not studying hard enough. For being so complacent. For being so stupid. sighs. I don't even want to get back the paper. Can we just go and find the papers and burn them away? And then they will make us redo again.
Hurhur. Joke of the century.
Whatever. Going to East Coast Park tomorrow. Hope I can learn how to cycle by the end of the day. And to forgot about this whole disaster.
I'm still feeling screwed and fcuk up even after venting it out here. Just angry, so angry with myself. Don't think too much people.
