lifesong
Everyone needs compassion
And love that never fails
Let mercy fall on me
When everyone needs forgiveness
Kindness of the Saviour
The Hope of the nation
Saviour, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything that i believe in
Now i surrender
Shine a light in and
let the whole world see
Singing, for the glory of the risen king
Jesus, Shine a light and
let the whole world see
Singing for the glory of the risen king
Monday, June 23
-11:57 pm
I have the most horrific timetable for next semester, if everything does go according to plan. If not, then I'll have one of the most envious one anyone could have in my course too. What kind of decisions should I be making? sighs.
If things go according to plan, then I'll have the following timetable, presenting to you plan 2:
But should I not get my ADM elective, I'll prolly switch to plan 1 or plan 3 with the option of coming down for a SINGLE Japanese class on Fridays, which totally sucks big time. You can say that I shouldn't be signing up for Jap 3 but then, I'm thinking of taking JLPT, it's high time that I have enough practices too. And presenting to you plan 1 and 3:
These aren't never easy. -_-
And now I've just one more guy to remind me of Kenneth. The attitude and mannerisms are pretty much similar.
...
Lucky we aren't collaborating in the same studies. That's pretty much a relief. Haha.
Saturday, June 21
-2:05 am
虽然很难，不过有些事情还是用华语来表达似乎比较贴切。《砂时记》要说的并不是杏和大悟的爱情故事， 而是杏的成长过程。从母亲自杀的那一天开始，她就再也没有真真的长大。一味地害怕，一味地憎恨，一味地想要逃脱，那种感觉是懂非懂。
又看了五月天的《牙关》，就在想：如果杏真的存在，听了这首歌后她会怎么想？
歌和漫画的故事好像有关联，又好像没有。但虽如此，好书和好歌都需要被介绍吧？：]
Wednesday, June 18
-4:39 pm
It has been busy week since last Tuesday.
I had my wisdom teeth taken out. Two of them has been causing plenty of trouble, like locking up my jaw for one. Stupid tooth couldn't grow properly upwards and yet had the decency to grow so deep into my gum. Can't imagine how long my other teeth will be if my wisdom teeth can be so long. My aunt's wisdom tooth was only 1/5 the size of mine. Her extraction also caused 4/5 lesser. -_- Well, with all four teeth taken out, I can officially declare myself as wisdom-less. Hur Hur. It's a little strange without them, now that I can feel soft gums in place of them. I'll get used to it just as I did a year back when the two on the right side were taken out. (Those were causing trouble too, or else I wouldn't have gone into the trouble for dental surgery.
Then came the Chemistry tuition camp in church. Two long days I tell you. But O level Chemistry never seem so much more easier. Haha. It was a great opportunity for me to revise all the stuff. Lucky it wasn't A level stuff, I really wouldn't have remember anything. And all the credit has to go to Mrs E Lim. She's like the best chemistry teacher anyone can get. I still feel guilty for not getting A1 for that subject. Sigh. It was a little disappointing to see our church guys being so restless and cheeky. It's not like they don't know that they are weak in the subject and they don't really have much time to waste. Add the fact that theirs are only Combined Chemistry, which is so much easier than Pure Chemistry, I wish they can really master the subject well. Having gone through this stage, it's really easy for me to say this. Oh well. On the other hand, the Riverside Secondary Pure Chem guys were very enthusiastic about their studies. Apparently it's not only for chemistry, heard good stuff from other teachers too. Somehow, to me, they look like the typical AJ students. Hahaha. I'm pretty sure they are at least aiming for that. They are curious and well-learned students, hope they will do their best. :]
Then there was the MLM thingy. Sighs. Had a nice talk with Guoxi. He knows my stand. I wish the best for them.
It was stayover at Cornelius' place on Friday! Wah kao, I had to drag so much stuff over I think my back suffered. :[ Basically it was just mahjong and PS2 through the night. I gave up mahjong halfway to see Cornelius play PS2. (Mahjong was getting a little boring and I was winning too much hahaha. Too paiseh already. So I let Wee Long play.) After that we tried TMNT and Naruto. Somehow, we got addicted to Naruto, trying desperately to unlock the last two characters but to no avail. But the missions were quite fun. We had to climb stupid walls and kick someone's ass with an additional 6 blows which was frigging hard to accomplish but we managed. HAHA. Sometimes, this kind of thing must have more people play then it's fun. I managed to stay up all night and day. The afternoon nap wasn't really one since I took a shower right after I went back and I just couldn't sleep with wet hair. Went to do some errands and prepared for Sunday School lesson. Somehow, I was thankful that not many of them came. I wouldn't have the energy to battle with them. Bleh.
Then went to school on Monday to meet Prof Joyce for the RA stuff. That went pretty quickly since Yitch had to teach us just the Sona system. Nothing much pretty straight forward. Then came the bomb. It turned out that my laptop's hard disk was really spoiled. No wonder after numerous recovery attempts, it still hangs, crawls or just plain fucks up. Heh, the person helped me changed it. Without any charge leh. Maybe 'cause the computer is still under warrenty. -shrugs- Got a 2GB ram too. Now it's running so prettily that I feel like I can own it forever. Hahaha.
I love my laptop. And I'm still going to buy a Fujitsu one after this one really goes out of commission. :]
Last thing of the week: Went to have lunch with some ex-colleagues and I finally can resubmit my photo for passport application. Turned out that the webpage is not configured for Firefox. Lousy. Firefox is so much better than IE can. Hopefully it can be used or else I'll have to make a trip down to ICA which is really troublesome.
Tuesday, June 10
-12:11 am
It's not something that I've only realised recently, but it just became more salient as the years go by. Especially now when we are of age to finally really make decisions on how we want our lives to be - financially, emotionally, intellectually.
It's not about going down the well-trodden path anymore. It's about taking risks into the unknown future. It's about who you are going to trust. It's about what kind of future you are willing to gamble with.
These are guys whom I've known many years ago. They are people whose company I have enjoyed tremendously. They are people whom I have high regards for. And they too have high regard, trust and the "branding" I can bring. Maybe because it's them, that's why I was almost suckered into the deal.
I was really thinking of the whole deal throughout the ride home. How it seems so attractive and the fact that so many of them are willing to take the risk and asking so many people to take it together is what I thought as being "safe". What they have achieved is impressive, truly. I've no doubt they'll make it big if what they are saying is true. But that is not the risk I think I'm truly willing to take. I know talking to mom is not going to bring me much reward 'cause I know what kind of person she is. Maybe it was really just an excuse.
But after a couple more talks, I find that it is not going to be me if I do accept the deal. I will probably not going to be happy about the whole thing. The success is based on a lot of assumptions, now that I really think about it. Yes they will say doing business is about taking risks, but I will say, know your enemy as you know yourself. What if the people I know are also the same kind as me. (and that they are) You are only placing yourself in an environment which is not helping you at all. Opportunities come by rarely they say, but I think it'll be better to choose your opportunities, than jump at anything that comes your way.
Yes I'm still a skeptic. Even with knowledge, there will still be skeptics. It's like the atheists. Knowledge about the God, creation, Jesus and faith are everywhere but atheists are still a plenty abounding. To accept it will take a leap of faith, however, without blessings from those whom you really cherish, it's hard to go into something which has the guarantees of those who are already involved. Because they are the ones who had already taken the leap, they had no choice but to believe in it. Really it's like talking about faith. (That's why I'm not so keen about evangelism. I'd rather you be interested and come ask me. Then I'll try my best to answer all your questions. Using my life to show you that it's the right choice. God is the one who will unlock your heart to accept Him.)
It's not about wanting to be like other people who have the blessings to take the risk and grow up, but to know what is truly being treasured by your loved ones for you. I really like them to believe that I know what I am doing, want them to have the faith that maybe it's just something that I should really try out. But I can't disregard their concerns as well 'cause it's something deep down inside that I know is never going to quell. Someday, one day, I may regret my decision today but I want to believe in a world God will give to me.
Or maybe it's the fear of success. It's prevalent in most females. Don't know if there is any evolutionary cause to it. I think I have a huge dosage of that. I'm scared of being wildly successful. It's not that I think I will definitely be, but given the chance, I maybe able to. I don't know what real perks it's going to bring. It will bring fame and money definitely. But is that something I want? These are just things that will vanished in matters of seconds. So what you have plenty of them? What about real happiness? Why is it that with 10k per month, you can still be in debt? Why is it that my parents with only average wages can still support the 3 of us to university without any cause of worry? Something must be wrong.
What is wrong with just wanting to be contented with what you are given instead? Why is it that it must be 20k per month then you can have a "comfortable life"? If 10k can go into debt, I don't see why 20k can't.
I probably can argue the other side of the camp but I'm too lazy and tired for that. As Carrie Bradshaw said, sometimes you should just throw all logic away and feel. It's only the emotions that will help you make the most important decisions.
Right now, I'm still not convinced about it. They are very smooth talkers and I'll give that to them. They are brave enough to believe in it and I'll give that to them.
Perhaps it's a part of it is about me having no confidence in myself, but they said I don't look like that with the way I carry myself. So, is it the system?
Maybe.
To be financially flexible or whatever the English equivalent is, I'll find the way to it. Find something which everyone accepts. In the end, maybe they will probably be rich and famous with their deal, but I'll be happy and contented with mine.
Monday, June 2
-2:13 am
My laptop is FUCKED UP.
Completely FUCKED UP.
But I've a new study table and a new bookcase. All thanks to Ikea. Never knew shopping there could be quite so fun. They have so good and nice ideas for maximising storage areas. Ahhhh. Feel like buying all the pretty things. Sighs.
