Thursday, May 31
-11:13 pm
"Tess is with Benedict now? She is so much taller than him!"
-Saul (Ocean's Eleven)
LMAO!
We all need good one-liners in movies once in awhile.
With all those sequels coming out like nobody's business, Channel 5, likewise, is churning out those old prequels.
Ocean Eleven, Shrek 2, Spiderman 1 and 2, Pirates 1.
All the good shows. Fantastic 4 is going to be out soon I think.
Can someone tell me why Pirates 3 is no good?
-12:11 am
I have 2 pints of
Ben and Jerry's ice-cream sitting in the freezer, waiting to be consumed.
All hail the power of sales in NTUC.
<3 B & J ice-creams!!!!!!
Tuesday, May 29
-11:53 pm
I was feeling emo when I was heading back home after tuition.
Perhaps it was because of a bad ending at work or maybe it was because of Tony Parson's One For My Baby.
Books make me emo. Not any book of course, but books like these which talk about life and love. Questions which people always ask at the end of the day. And suddenly I felt the weight of the world.
There are so many self-help books available. And I wonder why is there such a phenomenon. In the end, after all the fame and money and glory, people still look for happiness. It is said that a person is made up of his mind, body and spirit. Physical needs are the most easily satisfied. Intellectual needs prolly depend on how much the person is willing to invest in it. Spiritual needs? That perhaps have been long forgotten for the sake of physical and intellectual needs.
-I'm in a spiritual drought. I need to do some rain dance with this post.-So all these self-help books are around to help people find an answer. Spiritual needs - Happiness, Love, Joy are so elusive, it seem. They are not overrated, just underrated. In the end, people use money and fame as a means to an end. Which in the end, are actually those above. We don't have an answer. Sometimes I think we are so wired to think there is an answer for everything, so we join in this hunt for The Answer. Sadly, those answers are never enough.
It's never enough.
But because people have so many views on the same thing, we learn abit from him and abit from her. How we do the sums for all that is up to us, because unlike mathematics, life never adds up. I remembered coming to a conclusion while coming home:
"Because we can honour and remember the past and so we move on." Got it from Tony's protagonist. He was a widower who just lost his wife. She was his The One. And he believed that he had a chance at love. So he wallowed and muddled his life through the year; sleeping with his students in a language centre, easing his loneliness. In some ways, he didn't want to get over his wife's death. He had his shot. So if by getting over it, their times together would have been a mockery, like what his father did to his mother after walking out with a younger woman, thinking this was his second shot in life. (In the end, because of the May-September relationship, the woman left.) In short, he lost his faith. That little faith in the world - a goodness in this bleak world. Of course so he met so-and-so 1 and so-and-so 2 and got back what was lost. It's not exactly a feel good kind of book but it's like a self-help book masquerading as a novel. (see! we all need self-help books.)I think that is a more poetic saying that Bill Gates' number one rule of life -
"The world is unfair. Get over it." Haha.
Here I am, losing that little faith bit by bit. You wonder how is it that with religion I can feel so lost. Maybe it's because of that, (because I'm supposedly to have an answer for everything, the world would be so much less confusing.) I feel even more despaired.
Sometimes, it's just not enough, what this world has to offer. We laugh and we smile and we mock. "The world's a stage and all the men and women are merely players." So say our lovely Bard. How can people stand this inadequateness? Don't you feel something is missing? (But I thank God it's only sometimes, else I would have been sent in for depression. Haha. Hmm, maybe that's why people get into depression. There is this sense of insufficient-ness.) I'm working at Raffles Place now. Everyday I see people deck out in their designer apparels and efficient PDAs and I wonder, is that what they do everyday? This endless routine of work, gossip/complaints about who-and-who, home, sleep and work. Hell, isn't it boring?
(I maybe suck into this system sooner or later but I hope not to be. Within the next three years, I want to do something different. Perhaps I would really go ahead with that overseas CIP thing. Then perhaps my life will change.)I wonder if my despair is something akin to Jesus when He came to Earth? Especially when He was trying so hard to make people listen that He can give so much more to us, and make us see this inadequateness. I don't know if He's really doing that, but what I know is that what He's trying to offer is definitely a lot more than what is available now.
And this goes to show how bottom pit my spiritual life is. For a God which promises boundless love and happiness, I'm definitely not feeling it now. My fault for not having a good 灵修。No point blaming Him and no need to blame Him because I'm the one who is not seeking.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." - Matthew 7:7I want more. I want to be comfortable in my own skin and be at peace with the world. Just like old George Chang in the book. I want to be able to look back and honour the past and move on. To let go. Then I can feel less despair. I need to change.
My ideal self: a 70 year-old Christian woman who has 看破红尘.
And hell, no wonder I don't sound like a 20 year old.
Monday, May 28
-7:42 am
I had a weird dream.
It's something close to a state of emergency in Singapore. (like that will ever happen.) Everything was chaotic. One minute I was watching F doing her dance/cheerleading performance with her promising to trounce my team in it while HER team had already been making mistakes right from the beginning, the other minute we were all been rushed into some kind of auditorium. Suddenly I was with my mother or some relative.
And I thought I saw HIM. But it wasn't. Could feel this tremendous rush of relief. It was as though I was so scared of meeting him again after all these while. (We really hadn't meet each other in real life for quite sometime. And I don't even know why I dream about him so much.) So I had to sit next to this guy and his friend who were in their uniforms because those were the few remaining seats available.
-edited at 1242am-
Now I don't remember any vestiges of the dream. It was a little too drama, come to think of it. How come I always have drama-ish kinds of dreams. No happy and silly kind.
I just hope this won't feel deja vu-ish after awhile. That feeling tends to rear its ugly head once in a while. If this really happen, I wonder what would happen to Singapore. Haha.
Saturday, May 26
-6:33 pm
We refer to your application for admission into Hall Of Residence in the academic year 2007/08 and regret to inform you that you are unsuccessful in your application. Please login using the following link for the full letter. https://wis.ntu.edu.sg/webexe/owa/has_apply1.check_applnWHAT THE HELL.
The cut off is
FREAKING 13.
How many
Singaporeans have freaking 13 points? Of course if you are staying in places like Pasir Ris or somewhere right across the university, then I have no arguments. Freak, even IVP player who is staying in AMK can't get a place with just his points. He had to have the sports sec pull him in. I know it's they want to pull him in la, but the point is not even IVP players are guaranteed a place. Why, even presidents are not guaranteed a place!
WHAT THE HELL.
Who are going to stay in hall now? The foreigners? How many of them can actually make up so much percentage for the average to be 13!?!?!?! And here we are thinking 11 is quite safe for us since we thought so many people have forsaken CCAs and such.
BAH.
Saw on ms snow's blog that there may be appeals going on. But even so, it prolly not going to be alot of people ba? Diaos.
Just who are staying in halls now?
Thursday, May 24
-12:50 am
It Started With A Kiss 2 is in 拍摄中。Yayness!!!!!!!! But it probably going to come out only in 2008. Sad. Man, I seriously hope it doesn't. I wanna watch it as soon as Taiwan is airing.. Maybe I should change my Instep choice to Taiwan. Heh. But yeah, wonder how it is going to be like. Naoki and Kotoko forever! My first and favourite manga couple. Epitome of cuteness and opposites attraction. If they are really real life characters, I wonder if they will get together.
Anyway,
今天，我被搭讪了。
好一个奇妙的感觉。
但还是拒绝给他我的电话。现在的人都是用“做个朋友”来当借口要电话吗？拒绝他的原因都被参杂了。一方面这种显然的态度我还是不太习惯吧。也觉得这太唐突了，满吓人的。另一方面，又觉得他只是太desperate了。可是现在回想起来，如果他是又高又帅的男生，我又会有怎样的反应呢？（那人不太高，最多高那么的一点罢了。又像是宅男。）我虽是宅女， 但似乎还是要看对象。不是谁都可以。经过这件事后，我或许是一个假绅士。希望能找到一个兴趣投合的对象，但他又不能太不起眼。
Biology/Psychology has stated that we are always attracted to people who are definitely more good looking, but in the end, we will end up with those who are of similar level of attractiveness. (As though attractiveness can be measured quantitatively.)
不知道这样是不是太高傲了一点？某种程度来说。。。 我觉得不是吧。由哪个女生不希望找到一个如意郎君？不过，现在我也没太多时间来拍拖。况且如果他不是基督徒，事情也难搞了多一半。虽然说爱情能胜过一切，但现在我还没有那个自信和那个空间来管另外一个人。自己的自由时间都还嫌不够呢。又做工，又教补习，又事奉。哈哈。我这一生或许就要以单生而过了。
怎么办呢？
我想，这事急也没用。上帝有上帝的安排。而且如果阿达表哥没算错的话，23岁那年或许会有春天吧。到了那时候，我想，单生的孤单也耐不了多久了。到时候再看吧。
我的身份不以一个男人来定，从以前到至今都是如此。或许有被影响，但最终我还是要上帝的。
说到宅女：我看完了 Nodame Cantabile 了。花了三个晚上的时间来追赶所有的集。现在就要等每个礼拜他们从日本引进来带着美妙的网际网络。=] *极度兴奋* 至于真人版，看了一点，好像超有趣的！ 和动漫很象。现在就差没看漫画了。
说到漫画，我已没有什么漫画可买了。没什么摆放他们的地方。现在最想买的也只有《贫穷未婚妻〉〉故事有点像魔法水果篮。劲暴又幽默有趣。好一个温馨的故事。
我也该去睡觉了。不久后又要起升做一整天的工了。好累。。 =_=
Monday, May 21
-11:22 pm
How come we don't get to know about this?
-> www.prayforsingapore.org.sg
how come? I thought this is a christian community thing? And it's this sunday's evening? Does the management just screen out things that only THEY are interested in? I wonder if we are even doing anything on Pentecost Sunday. Nice job.
Anyway, work has been pretty hectic. It won't be any wonder if I'll get sick anytime with my late sleeping hours and with the air-con in the office blowing straight into my face. Fuck. I'll pray for my body to be strong and healthy from all the stupid germs in the office. Whoever darn to say it's hot ought to switch place with me. Speaking of colleagues, I doubt I'll be able to make any friends there. Haha. No one seems to like talking much, with the new people at least. Only those who are directly in charge of us are much friendlier. Oh what the hell, I just hope this 2 months will finish quickly. With a 5.5 day work week, I'll get plenty of money and very little time even though office is just a 10 minutes walk away. Hope the GSS is going to be good. =]
Or I can just spend all those in Taiwan. Hehehehe.
Wednesday, May 16
-11:40 pm
I'm starting work tomorrow.
Kowaii.
Aiyes, should have told them I can only start next week. Now I've to break promises. It sucks. My last few days of fun all because they have to be so kan cheong. Bleh. Thought they would have argue about the discrepancy in the date of availability in the resume and the form which I'd applied. Turned out they didn't look much into it.
Sucks.
Let's see how things go tomorrow.
One good thing about this job though, the Bishan office is walkable distance! Beat that. Hahahaha.
-1:06 am
Tour de Japon rocks!!!!!!!!!!
Oh man. Just check it out on youtube.com
Okay, only if you are into orchestrated music or final fantasy.
But appreciation for good music is universal.
Just check it out. =]
Tuesday, May 15
-12:30 am
Meeting with the DOA didn't go as well as expected. In fact, it was way out of expectations. But then, after knowing he's DOA, it didn't surprised me much. Of course he had expectations. Huge ones. And from what he said, could see that he knew that we were pretty stumped by his expectations. I don't know if it was his tactics to shift out the really good ones or it's just the way he is. Like I told roomie, he's the worst kind of teacher one can get. He's the kind to throw a big curve ball at you when you least expect it. Not that he's bad, oh we definitely need him. His visions and ambitions are paramount to the progress of the university, if we are to compete on the global level. But well, when both parties' ambitions are not quite on the same level, it's hard to strike a chord. The words that he used are so full of spikes, bleeding dry our smiles and friendliness, adding nervousness and sian-ness.(for a lack of a good english equivalent.) At least that was for me. Darn darn, the school just must anticipate this kind of competition and put the 2 most powerful people around to take charge.
(Actually I admire his kind of people. There are too little who are around in the world who thinks they can make a difference in the world. Just like Elder Y who came for the talk on saturday. I like him. A lot. He showed me that it's okay to have difference in ideologies. [Theological ones at that] Have your own stand as long it's based on the Lord and His words. Anyway he was talking about communication between people. I don't know if he knows what's going on in my church or he's really just talking about the phenomenon that is really happening in ALL churches, but he, hmmm, hit the bull-eyed many times. I should visit the forum which he's in charge to know more about different issues. It seems interesting.)
And that struck me. This is university already. We aren't in a little world of our own as much as we would like to be. This is how life's going to be everywhere. Reality is one has to fight for what we want. There are so many who would like to fight with me for the same thing. AND willing to give 100% more than what I'm willing to give for now. Maybe 100% is too mild. But you get the point. It's scary ya know. It's scary to know that there aren't many back roads which I can take from this step forth. It's scary to know that without ambition, it seemed that one can't accomplish much. It's scary to know that life seemingly comes to a stand still without accomplishments.
But of course, it all depends on what one values. I don't have much ambition bones in me. There is some - I wouldn't like to be one of the bottom few in life. Who does? But I don't aspire much to be on the top rung of the ladder either. Definitely not in the corporate world. Politics never fucking appealed to me. I want to do something that interest me.
(Humanitarian work for one. It'd always been a back-burner though. I'm still a selfish idiot and thus not willing to sacrifice too much yet. But I've always felt the pull for it, ever since Famine Camp back in J1. I really don't mind working for WorldVision and all that. Ah you can see the ambition bone now, I'm more willing to work with an international organisation than local ones. Haha.) But things that interest me don't pay much. It's sad to know that dreams don't pay bills.
So now the dilemma is whether to really put up a colourful 'resume' for him or to punch up on the integrity button. Come to think of it, my last semester was awfully busy. Teaching tuition twice a week, commitments to OH and CCF, studies, it burnt the hell out of me. Biz Mag was relatively slack, so I was able to hun guo qu. So now in order to get into 16, I would have to amp up on hall activities and slacken on school activities. Truth? I don't really know if I'm up for it. Roomie, how?? Haha.
Friday, May 11
-7:20 pm
OAFA finally sent the money over.
FINALLY*does a jingle*
How is it that can take forever to do it?
Hmm, come to think of it, I do think they can. Some much for trying to get angry over this whole matter. Almost wanted to send an email to the people over there. Was so glad to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't gotten the pay. Thought I'd screwed up some procedures.
But anyway, it's finally in!! Whee, finally justified some of my spending. Now, all I need is a job for the holidays to save up for the Taiwan trip. Ms K is fretting over her income for that too. Bleh. Who asked you to be so involved in school?! Haha.
Results are only going to out in MID-JUNE. It's not even the marking that takes up time. It's the moderation. Haiz. Going through all those red-tape can be troublesome. Or mendokuse as Shikamaru would say. Sucks to the system.
Wednesday, May 9
-10:45 am
Tuesday, May 8
-12:47 am
Nope I don't have pictures of my newly coloured hair. Haha. Sorry to disappoint. Didn't get to take much pictures at my cousin's wedding. Though I have pictures of my niece and nephews. Hahaha. They make greater pictures than me. =]
That's her version of a smile. Which is to show teeth. >_<
I need to be more proactive in finding my job. Or else, there won't be any good deals left. Hmmm. Should go down to International Plaza tomorrow..
I finished reading Paulo Coelho's The Zahir. What can I say? It's super profound. But it probably doesn't matter if the reader can fully understand what he's trying to say. Like what he wrote in the book: "If I have a message to give, I wouldn't write a book." To take away some bit would probably be enough for now, given that I don't have much experience in life yet. His books are good. Perhaps boring to some, given the philosophical approach + Catholic teachings, but they do deal with themes/ideals which people are always struggling to grasp, consciously or unconsciously. I guess it won't do harm to read the books over and over again. Haha. There will always be different rewards.
As for Spiderman 3.......... It was a .. disappointment for me. Oh yeah it's worth the hype but not the storyline. There were just too many things being dealt with. Closure for Harry and his hatred for Spidey (why must that butler only say that now? And how does he know Spidey is Peter??); Venom just given less than 45 minutes of screen time? Eddie Brock is running around the movie yes, but the villain is The Venom, not the handsome good-looking photographer? And the Sandman?? This is a conspiracy, I tell you. Haiz. And what's with Peter's emo/gothic appearance? I couldn't help but grimace at his antics. I don't know. It wasn't fantastic as the previous two movies. Of course there were the life lessons: to forgive and to make the right choice. But sometimes life ain't that easy for us to say which are the right choices yeah? I hope they don't do Spiderman 4. I know I'll still support it even though it may not look very promising after this, only because I'm a geek. (read the article in today's The ST Life section. =)) Haha. Anyway, black Spiderman is still cool. Awesome.
Qun: Nope I don't have season 2. Haha. Only started it recently 'cause I don't wanna wait the clips to load forever online.
Friday, May 4
-5:55 pm
I hate my new hair.
It's coloured.
Or I should say I hate the highlights. It's too bright and not very nicely done.
I feel like turning back time.
Whatever.
This makes me see that I don't accept change as much as I like too. Or maybe it's just that I don't like the colour, so it made me more biased. I was in a dilemma to change how I look. For now, I'd still prefer my old boring hair. At least it's something that I'm used to.
This will take time. Probably by then, I'll be so used to this that I hate the black hair. Haha.
Aiyes, but for now, I still don't like it.
Wednesday, May 2
-10:05 pm
I have some of the songs from Phantom of the Opera! Courtesy of a good going-to-be-ex neighbour and a good website. Haha. Andrew Lloyd Webber's goodness! Sarah Brightman sounded a lot better than the Emmy Rossum in the movie. I think maybe it's Emmy has a lighter voice. They give different feel. Emmy sounds better on some songs though, like "Think of Me". I prefer her version. =p
Anyway, this is a start of a good holiday. I have latest episodes of CSI: NY and House in my laptop. And after all these episodes, there are Grey's Anatomy, Heroes and Ugly Betty goodness. =]]]] I only fear work would disrupt such euphoria. Haha. If things go well, I may need to start work on monday. Hmmm.
-12:23 am
YAYNESS!!!!!!!!! The exams are over!!!!!!!! 3 months of pure freedom! Yayness!!!!!!!!!
That done, onto the report on The Phantom of the Opera.
IT'S GOOD!!!! OMG! Even though my view was restricted, it was still not bad. Just that I couldn't see them running around the back of the stage and can't really see their expression. But then musical is mainly about the music no? It's good la. Man. Now I know why everyone raves The Phantom. Though it was a bittersweet ending but it was still good. What Christine said at the end is true. Poor Phantom.
Ah Miss Roomie, if you wanna watch better go book tickets now! I heard it's going to extend till July. There should be seats around. Go catch it if you can!
Went out the past two days. Haha, finally. Town feels strange after all this while. Seems like there are alot of changes but I think it really didn't change at all. WX questioned on our familiarity around town because there is only this much to shop along the Orchard Road stretch. I'm fine with it though because at least I don't have to walk too far to get from one place to another. But it does get boring after a while. And speaking of that, I need to go shopping too. Just for the sake of it. But I don't wanna spend money until I earn! Seeing the withdrawal column of my bankbook makes me sad. It's chunks and chunks of money being withdrawn. I need money to go Taiwan!
Someone find me a job!
