Saturday, December 31
-12:13 am
met up with the gang.. ah.. how i miss their company.. it feels so different from being in other groups of friends. more liberating i feel. not that i'm very quiet in these other groups but well, i guess it's a different representation of self. and maybe because i know them far longer than any others? since sec 1 leh. to have witnessed the change in each and everyone of us so closely, i guess in some way the bonds are more tightly knitted?
i think i'm getting old. feeling all sentimental and such now. what an age. hahah.
anyway, found out more about this person whom i don't really know personally. well. appalled is all i can say by her/his behaviour. [no i'm not divulging the identity of the person.] and good luck to my friend. hope everything will work out for them and that my friend wouldn't be so blinded by lvoe for this person. wonder what even attract them together? by their needs/wants? by their characters? there is this platitude: "love conquers all". i really wonder. love can turn ugly if not then why are there crimes of passion? o wise ones please enlightened me.
haha, not that i don't believe in love. it's just that i don't think love is all about feelings. feelings come and go, be ignited or be dampened, so it's not forever. 20 to 30 years in a marriage, can one really safetly guarantee that he/she is still in love with their spouse as they did during the beginning of a marriage? looking at most adults now, i don't see it. maybe i'm the type that need physical evidence but sometimes, it can be felt what. so i know. i'm not that insensitive okay? haha. oh well.
had my bitch fit once again. got it outta my chest now that i get to talk about it with people who don't know her. my closest friends knew that to made me have such a bitch fit, this person must have been an ultimate.. oh whatever, shan't dwell on it even more. just thinking of it can keep sians for the whole day.
then went for fellowship meeting. saw the programme list.. all i have to say i'm going to wreck my head just to plan how to get together with other friends.. someone once asked if life controls me or i control my life. i had answered the latter. now, i just hope i can continue to give the same answer. but it seemed wrong if i said i am the one controlling because my life is controlled by God. eh.. just pray for the best lor. take things at a time. and that my friends will understand too. if both are important to me, i'll always try to make a compromise, because it's hard for me to give up one.. hmm.
last day [or second last day] of the year. hope you guys will have a blast today!
Wednesday, December 28
-8:44 pm
yea~~!!!!! i brought new clothes, or rather my mom paid for them all. haha. she commented that i had brought more than $200 worth of clothes this year. erm, i think it is more than that ba? if you want to count chinese new year and all. but then those are working clothes, can't possibly be wearing denim bottoms all the time right? haha. i love my skirts. so nice. think i no need to buy new year clothings liao.. hmm.
but girls can never have enough clothes can they? lols
i got new earrings from shermin as well. heh. all i need now is a mp3 player. saw that zen neeon has 1 and 2 gigs players released. i'm happy!~ at least i don't have to buy the 5 gig one and then left so much space unused. you ask me why i don't want to buy other type? well.. i just love zen neeon. some more you play with the stik-ons. so nice. decorating the player.
had cartel last monday. 12 of us altogether. and the dinner was superb! costing well over $200 bucks but it was an amazing feast! we ordered like all the combos lar, meaning all those meant for 4/5 people eating. shared around with everyone. in the end only didn't managed to finish one chicken wing. man. totally mag~ *grins* and i got a free cartel student card. awesome~ lols. reason why i could eat so happily was because someone treated. haha. way overdued treat man. around 2 years back sia. but it's worth the wait. =] maybe i should find some people along with me next time to eat again. kee is right. you will just get an adrenaline rush when you see the large plate filled with the food placed right in front of you! my gawd. i still can remember the feeling man.
anyway, christmas was well spent at peyling's. played games, talked, gossiped, drank. think i don't have a very good alcohol tolerance. sians. got a little light-headed by a little sip of the wine.. but the second sip was all right leh. maybe need to get used to it lor. speaking of that i think i forgot to pay money to kenneth leh. hmm. don't care la, since he didn't ask and i didn't remember then forget it lor. hahah. and aaron has got this THANG to call everyone with a "lao" in front. abit dots you mei you? haha but can be quite funny la, some of the nicks. crashed at about 5 plus and woke up just when wee and aaron were leaving. only left pey's at about 2 plus and after a discussion of a possible CO trip in march or december. prolly to malaysia or thailand.. anyone up for it?? please do! and prolly with the usual bunch of people lor. will ask others also la. in-charge SHOULD BE kenneth as well. just give some response k people?
watched chronicles of narnia too. [man, i had an eventful week sia and today's only wednesday..] nicely done! =] i love the show. it's almost like LOTR man. the magic, animation and war scenes. yeah man! but the front was a little draggy. alot of hidden meanings/symbols. christianity stuff. yups. but please don't be put off by it. it's really a wonderful show all by itself. =] can't wait for the next episode. heh. it's a 7 books series, just like harry potter. but i think i will like narnia more than potter now. hahah. my only wish for it is that the quality will NOT deteriorate.. like so many sequels of movies.. that will be so sad..
ps zeminith: i've already done the tag thing. can i not do it? haha. just check out my previous posts ba.. should be around early december.
Sunday, December 25
-12:36 am
I knew it. I know it. I will continue knowing it. But I just can't help myself from doing it. Just a little disappointed. Hope I will continue to learn my lessons well.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Friday, December 23
-12:54 am
for the past few days.. it felt like i'm only in the house for about 6-7 hours. why. because i've gotta wake up early and then go to work then go church and then stay till 10-11pm. gosh. this kind of days can really wear one thin. especially if one has to face grouchy friends. bleh.
ah well. it'll be over soon. sometimes i dread christmas. haha. which is like totally unlike everyone who looks forward to it so much. last week of december is going to just come and go. so fast. and then comes january. and then comes A levels results. wah lau. then comes university. double wah lau. i don't even know what i wanna do. choices choices.
hope i don't falter halfway through things. bleh.
Wednesday, December 21
-1:11 am
it helps to know that i'm not the only one to have the same sentiments about this particular person. supposed that today was a bitching session about her. but then something at the back of my mind nagged at how self-righteous we seemed to be. it dampens the spirit of bitching just by a margin.
but it's only JUST BY A MARGIN. because she herself can be so damn righteous about things that, in her thinking, weren't her fault. hurhur.
[my blood still boils at today's accounts of what she did before.]
now that i think of it, are we at fault as well? for accommodating her too much and about all the time? or is this just some innate nature of hers? or is it a result of too much love from somebody/bodies before us? guess we're just part of the equation that makes up that part of her. it's quite irksome to think that one has to contribute to this unlovable characteristic of another, at least for me. because i like to think that i've something to contribute to the goodness of mankind. hahah. not. more on a minor scale lar.
i kinda given up hope on her to change. maybe she is one to only change after something drastic happened. i as a friend sincerely hoped that that wouldn't be the case because the price will be too high for payment. why not do it when cost is low.
finally went to anna's/jasline's place to play. haha. nice and well decorated. as expected from them. haha. typical actually. but i like it.
on a happy note, i've found a job. =] i'm a happy girl. think the people on the streets thought i'm a crazy girl. lols. anyways, it's a accounting job and yes, i've been told that people usually hire those with accounting knowledge/experience. i have stated clearly that i've no prior working experience in any form in my resume as well as the form i had filled in at the company. but nevertheless God has blessed me. *pats myself on head as Elizabeth always do to herself* ooh. i made and ended a prayer just before the managing director came in to interview me himself. wow. and i'm hired. hehe. experienced God's wonders once again~ i'm a blessed child! so i'll be starting work in january - another blessing so i don't have to cancel my dates and such. salarywise maybe i can go discuss with him again? =P hmm. no harm asking. i really don't mind the job actually even though the pay seems a little low because at least it let me see the kind of things an accountant does. so a little insight as to whether i should get into accounting next year? blessing again! =D all in all 20th dec had been a good day. *grins*
Monday, December 12
-11:41 am
hoho. i'm finally meeting up with my nj 156 gang after eons. lols. wonder what we are going to do. but with kim soon around, we can just tease the hell outta him. haha.
Sunday, December 11
-9:43 pm
i thank god today is a sunday. i thank god that that thing happened yesterday. i thank god for cousins and friends in church. i thank god for answering my prayers. why? because they made me see it wasn't worth it falling out with this particular friend.
come to think of it now, i was just spoiling for a fight with her. and besides the matters [if it should really turned out that way] which i wanted to pick the bones with her are just petty matters. and if i am to touch on her relationships with others, i'm stepping on a very fine line of which she can used MINE back at me. it's her life, not mine. shouldn't be caring too much because even though as a friend who can encourage, defend and advise, i'm not one to control her actions, thoughts and behaviour. i don't have that much authority. i'm a close friend for these past two years because we run in very closely knitted circles. after we graduated i really don't know how much we will drift away. maybe not alot because afterall we run in the same circles. -shrugs- pray, wait and see ba.
what i wanna do now.. is to apologise to her for my actions yesterday but also to let her see and understand what she has caused me to feel. forgive perhaps. but forgot it will probably not. i don't know. ah well. or maybe i'll just apologise. i'm not one for confrontation anyways.
-12:10 am
you know what, i really don't know i should continue to tolerate this person or should i just really make my feelings known to her. sometimes she can be really good and nice to all and i really appreciate her thoughtfulness but sometimes, her actions can really just infuriate me. i don't know whether it's me who is impatient [but i have been waiting for a rather LONG time and she can just ask why am i in a hurry] or she just plain don't care. fcuk lar.
if you want to add in a good dose of cynicism into this entry, you know what i think, sometimes the thing you do are just beneficial for yourself, as in you put yourself in first priority. take photographs for examples because this is the issue for now. it's okay that you have to use a traditional camera. it's okay that you want to keep the photos for keepsake. it's okay that you want to give your mother's friend to develop them because it will be cheaper. but it's BLOODY HELL NOT okay when people have been asking you for them for forever and you can never produce the goods. it has been a year. oh bull. you want to keep them, other people also want to keep them. i too have my selfish reasons to want them, for certain pictures especially too. or maybe you are just not knowing enough to sense that?
oh great. i can just see the cracks in this friendship lar. i don't know when the cracks started showing. i really don't know. maybe it has been there eversince the beginning, just that we chose to ignore them. afterall, isn't friendship about accepting the flaws? but then, isn't friendship also about trying to change what is not exactly pleasing to others, change for the good? oh hell, isn't that just life? i can't say that i'm perfect. because i've been told that i'm too blunt for my own good. so i always try to be tactful especially to people i don't know. but the lesson now, is to be tactful to those whom i've known forever too. it's an ongoing lesson whether you guys see it or not. as for you, i don't know if you know you've gotta change them. maybe you are just used to people accepting that as part of you. so there's no need to change at all. i want to accept and thought that i have accepted but turns out, there's a limit to everything. i'm always torn between accepting this as part of you and my own frustration to kick you in the butt. this time round, frustration won.
sometimes the things that you at first admire in that one person can actually turn out to be things that you are going to detest in the same person. or maybe i'm just different, too detailed to be nonchalent about things. people who surrounds you, us are about the same type as you. sometimes i wondered how the hell did i survive around you guys. maybe because you guys are different from me, that's why i was able to function properly. afterall, too much the same kind of people around maybe too overwhelming. opposite attracts ya know? others may not really mind because as i said, you guys are mainly of the same type. i was able to learn from you guys. but did i present something that makes you guys want to learn too? i don't know. bloody hell. whatever it is i'm probably a failure in that. but you know what, i really don't care about that because i like the way i am.
i really wondered how the heck did we get along so well. maybe we are spending too much time together already. friction. the heat is getting too much for me. i need time away from you i guess. or maybe we just need time to pass this trial.
this is a bashing session for you and a reflection for me. i'm just ranting. if you don't understand anything or can't figure out what i'm trying to say then it's okay. it's not meant to be understandable anyway. and if you know who i'm talking about, i rather you keep it mum. don't tell her anything. if you want, then come comfront me about it. if YOU found out this entry yourself, then it's your turn to move. i've enough of taking a step back and letting you ride over. if we can't overcome this trial then apologies to everyone who may get involved.
hell, i'm probably overrating this thing anyway. what irony to have "Love" as my opening for this blog. hurhur.
Saturday, December 10
-11:05 am
Been busy the past few days. Staying over at the hotel after prom with Liqi they all. Was fun. Haha. Bridge-ed the whole night. then i fell asleep. then i went home to rest and go down to hester's chalet again. wah kao. siong sia. pasir ris some more. zzz. long trip it was down there. jeremy said 53 very fast, didn't have the chance to try it, maybe next time.. they went night cycling! i wanna go too.. =[ but didn't want to stay over that night, so missed out the chance. i rode the bike too. lols. after much difficulty. melvis still dared to say he noob when he's riding well. grr. but actually can see lar that he just learnt recently if i'm not wrong. unstable unstable that kind. hahha. went home at about midnight that night. mom wasn't pleased. ah well. went over again the next day, still with alot of people surprisingly, with the lunch, eaten at 5 pm. lollers. played a little mahjong then they went home. quite shagged man they all. what to expect, 5-8 hours of cycling leh. hahah.
feeling damn lonely with hester. so we decided to call jiaqi, hoping she could make it and yes she could! =D so heng. wonder what would hester and i do if it was only the two of us. think we'll just sleep the night away. which we almost did along with jiajia if her boyfriend didn't come in time for supper ie our dinner. gawd. 2 in the morning. thank god for late night mahjong, else i think i would have suffered from indigestion. lols. tong xiao mahjong till 7 in the morning because that hester was determine to finish all four winds. grr. despite being tired some more. that girl arh. then we went off to sleep. didn't get to sleep much. couldn't sleep actually because of ... but anyway, her auntie came at 11 so we cleared out of the holiday flat with a spanking new apartment. okay, maybe it wasn't spanking clean, but it was presentable. except for the dishes. lols. got a lift to potong pasir and headed home.
after which i met up with sharon and aik tat. [man, my days were damn PACKED sia] went shopping for her working clothes. heh. went to BYSI and saw this tank that looked really good. i wanna have it. it has frills and a little design. simple and feminine. nice. =] but i'm broke. sighs. see if mom is going for any shopping trips then i can get MY working clothes. hope the agency call soon too. i can't stand doing nothing. it's boring. even aaron got a job. darn. lols. no offense lar aaron. arcade was next. played this basketball game and i was damn tired after the second game. our highest was 450 plus. thought we could have beaten the score of the second machine but then we didn't. sad. too tired le. i had to tiptoe and shoot. double the energy used. grr. whatever. maybe next time then. haha. went to sakae for dinner. aik tat got this superb camera, Canon S1. it is second-hand but looks perfectly new. kaoz. i want to have a second hand good like that leh. he bought it at $300 plus leh. way cheaper than even the newest models and way better camera capabilities. what a deal. wonder if anyone is selling zen neeon. i would really love to have that. =] heh.
bleach is downloading freakingly slow. grr. tsubasa got licensed. double sians. found out my cousins have a PS 2. maybe i should get it from them and buy FFX and FFX-2 to burn away the remaining days of december away. should there be no jobs for me. aiyes.
Wednesday, December 7
-12:39 am
i've been TAGGED. so here goes!
Rules of the game:1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.
1) i hate being in bed and unable to fall asleep.
2) i'll still somehow stick to my plans/decisions no matter how much other people object just so to see how wrong i can get.
3) i harbour secret fantasies for cliches to happen to me.
4) i hate being left out.
5) i think i'm too nice to people sometimes.
now, my 5 taggers will be:
-yunli
-isabel
-liwen
-sinyee
-mavis
Tuesday, December 6
-2:37 pm
it's now 2.39pm. about 8 hours since prom has ended. eh.. my thoughts about it? it's not very spectacular. the crowd was rather small and i really rather have zab and bernard do the hosting. maybe it'll be more entertaining than larissa and that guy. wonder why are they so eager to finish everything by 10. so sian lor. "seniors please settle down quickly!! we like to move on with our programme blah blah" it's very shao xing you mei you? imagine your juniors doing that to you? why can't they just let us have a little more fun and go home a little later? haiz.
on the other hand, many really turned out different and very pretty that night! i think i was rather different from my usual look too. haha. didn't recognise some of them. the first one was nafang actually. i really really really didn't recognise her at all! man. maybe because she pulled back her hair? heh. ah well. took many photos. and i didn't like me in some of them. dunno, maybe i look different. i prefer myself without makeup. weird huh. prefering the unglam me. some more i was really uncomfortable in that dress of mine. luckily hester has a shawl which i can use. or else, i really don't know how to survive the night. haiz, don't know what drove me to get that dress. if she hasn't shown me i prolly wouldn't have like it. it's really a pretty dress, just that the bossom part is a little *ahem* low. my bra didn't help much to lessen the damage. =p in fact it helped even more. at one point i was thinking of not even wearing it. lols. oh yeah, some people did bear a little bit or more, but i'm just not comfy doing that. give me urm.. 5 years or so? then MAYBE i'll dare to wear the dress without a shawl. hahaha. shucks, that will mean that the dress is going to be chuck in the wardrobe without seeing daylight for another 5 years. my mom is so going to kill me. aiyes. hope she wouldn't notice lor. then again maybe it's just the shaved eyebrows. acks. now i've gotta maintain them. sians.
photos will be up only in about a week's time because i need to get the uploading programme from me cousin. so sorry people if you have photos with me. i really wish for a mp3 player.. going to be so bored on long bus journeys. haiz. why can't the first prize be me? =[ oh well. haha.
boring entry!
Monday, December 5
-10:22 am
you will know how bored one is by looking at how regularly one blogs. and yeah that would be me. have been awake for the past 1.5hours but still feel a little sleepy. maybe 'cause i can finally have a good sleep but still chose to stay awake. crazy person i know. aiyes whatever.
had this sermon yesterday about being how people serve to be one's mirror. to reflect the good and the bad. to remind one to learn the good and change the bad. and to my amazement, the day's events soon occured to practicalised the morning's lessons. hmm. it's like i don't know. amazing. haha. observed how i treat people then people's attitude towards me. it's like a two way thing. things i don't like about other people, i treated them that way. the ways i would like to treat others in certain circumstances are shown by some whom i also looked up to, in a way. it's really cool in some ways. guess it's a lifelong lesson to learn. it's rather fascinating to see that he is able to use every week's sermon to somehow push a point in to the congregation regarding certain matters. i wonder if the more alert ones are able to see what he is doing or are mostly following what he says. i don't think i'm some resistant factor against him but well, i can't never always agree on what he says all the time. afterall, he never did put up a very good example, though it can be seen that it was not without any effort. hmmm. there are others who are also don't agree on his comments and point of views so i guess i'm too waylaid from the righteous path? lols. everyone's upbringing is different and i don't believe that everyone can resound in one unanimous voice about things. not entirely.
the outing on saturday went fine. just that so many people cancelled out last minute. sians. had fun at the cafe. haha. only left with one piece for both times playing blockus. but my junior more zai. he didn't have any left. whahahaha. all hail the fmaths student. lols. then there's this red apples for green apples game. card game. was on the verge of losing my voice over it. was okay lar. the later game was more exciting in a sense that it's rather a mind game. have to like psycho people to raise their bid for the particular unit so one can get a relative bad one but still nonetheless useful at half the price. won that game too. hahha. i've good beginners luck but it'll end there if you know me. then went over to the other table to play the commitment evasion game. could have won i think, if we didn't have to reverse our cards and commitment around. =p haha. to lost means getting married. was the second one to be married off. lols. ah well. at least the game was interesting. heh.
prom's coming up in about 7 hours time and i'm plague with my monthly womanly trouble. great. maybe i should have prayed for an early one instead of pushing it back. haiz. so sad. well at least there's no pain now. speaking of prayers, i'm more and more convinced of its wonders and poweress. because for even things that are so small, they are answered. this was one and there is another which i can't really remember but it was answered. PRAYER'S WONDERS. hahha. anna's nick. cools. but i think there's a condition to it. you must believe in it. as in believe that God has heard and will give an answer in due time. =]
anyone can send me 7 flowers' "hao ai ta hao xiang ta"? nice song. =]
Friday, December 2
-11:01 am
couldn't blog yesterday. don't know why, maybe because the server doesn't like me. ah well. not the first time anyways. just wanna say that i cleared and cleaned my room after well, i don' know, ages? can't imagine how much dust and rubbish one can collect after a year or two. filthy. ughs. threw out almost 1/5 of the things that could be found in my room. papers, stationery, posters, old magazines and of course dust. now it's so much neater and cleaner and i found old stuff that i had thought it would be forever gone. can't imagine what kind of treasures i will find if i am to move my wardrobe. threw away some old clothes too. a pity i know. but i don't wear them anymore. realized after i threw all those old clothes away, i'm left with black, blue and white. the basic of the basics. gawd. throw in a splash of red and yellow if you must but well, they are just a splash. i need more colours in my clothes. and variety. it's all just t-shirts and shirts. nothing girly inside. haha. guess that will be one of my resolutions for next year. GET MORE GIRLY CLOTHINGS. lol. attempted this year but think it was a failure.
ah well. wonder how tomorrow's outing will fare. sian by people who cancelled out last minutes. not a person who like to have last minute changes. stick to the plan will ya? say much about your character huh. no point wringing out on that person. doubt will talk much in the future if this goes on. everyone's loss but not one i would miss much i guess. i seriously hope they will have fun tomorrow at the cafe. but since YF C is a very excitable group and this group of friends is not as accomplished in that sense, well, pray hard and see i guess. i'm hungry. gonna go get breakfast, get my shoes done and newspaper. hope bleach is downloading fine. =]
prom's coming up. hope it's still gonna be fun with or without the arts fac. haha.
