Saturday, July 31
-11:45 pm
It seems like I keep proclaiming that there's nothing much happening in my life. Hmm, shall make it more lively. Haha, but I don't know how. =.= Ok, let's see. Went to NEWater plant to see how they make new water, let them propagate all about Singapore, and how Singapore is doing this and that to ensure blah blah.. Not that it's not good, but too much of it is kinda sickening. I know it's quite contradictory of me to say that, seeing that I'm singing nationalistic songs along with peeps of 04S62 everything when a chance is presented. Haha.. After that, we then went to Sakae Sushi for lunch, (wanted to have McDonald's breakfast initially) it was a stupendous meal! =D
Went to HC's carnival after that with Ms Ho and Ms Yeo. (they are both HC's alumni =P) Thought can get a chance to see Ms Ho's ex, but sadly, I couldn't. -sighs- Apparently he was a quite a good catch, but because of something which Ms Ho is firmly not divulging, they broke it off. Hmm, shall not get involve with gossips now. Anyway, there's nothing much in HC's carnival. So boring.. ( sorry yunli if you are reading this entry.. >.< ) Well, the carnival was basically divided into 3 main categories: games, merchandise and food. There were 90 odd stalls. Honestly, the place was crowded, though not until one does not have a breathing space. However, I felt that the merchandise part was seriously lacking in worthy goods to buy. The jumble sales weren't very appealing, alot of service stalls like finger-art, hair art, henna, the usual stuff. But I couldn't do them all, cause still got school on monday. Speaking of school on monday, HC is free on that day. Claimed that students are too tired after the carnival, should give them rest. So envious..... Shucks. Anyway, spent my $10 bucks on a stupid game, a pencil case, donated a dollar to dunk their V.P, and a designed wooden block by the Chinese Society, which Jiaxin, Yunli, and Pricila are all in. Saw primary school friends, glad they still remembered me, heh, especially the guys. Haha. Kiwi joined Singapore Idol! Must go catch him on the black box. Hehe. Pricila, is, hmm, quite a stranger to me. Maybe long time never see her liao, then for a moment, I don't know what to talk to her about. She has become more aloof I feel. Not quite like the exuberent girl whom I used to spent time with. She also making the effort to become the hotelier which has been her ambition ever since I came to know her. Her econs is like the second best in HC? Woah.. Sure hope she will do well in her future. =) Hmm, got to go liao.. Nitey nitex people.
Friday, July 30
-8:59 pm
Hmm, just found out that the Blue Mosque is located in Istanbul, Turkey. It was built in 1603 and was completed in 1617. Woah.. The name was given because of it's bluish interior tiles. It is closed to non-believers for 5 half an hours on Muslims' prayer periods each day and longer on Friday which is the Muslims' holy day.
Did our CIP mounting board today. Had loads of laughter and joy while doing it. Elizabeth was tying a lot of the stuff with ribbons and Ms Ho had to keep stopping from doing so. Lol.. Ms Ho also kept shooting at Liz, saying she's rabbit la, hamster la, then keep mocking/accusing her for wasting all the arty materials, albeit laughingly. Haha.. We spent quite a while doing the mounting board. Had loads of pictures and signs and seashells and reflections and umbrellas and hearts and birds and tulips on the board, hehe. There's plenty of glitter glue too. As far as I am concerned, our class' mounting board is the best-looking of all. Well, typical if you had girls who have nothing much to do, but to sit down and decorate the board. =D
Today's chapel is worth reflecting. Pastor Joshua said our destiny/future is shaped by our character which is shaped by our attitude which is shaped by our habits which is shaped by our actions which is shaped by our thoughts. All things come from the mind. So when our world views are being challenge, we defend them; unwilling to adapt, unwilling to accept. However, should we not conform to the world? After all this is the world that we have come to know ever since birth, isn't that the normal reaction? Apparently not. God came to the world in flesh to die for us, to show us His great love for us, the sinners. He did miracles: healing the blind, the lame, even the dead. He wept, for those who He loves. He was patient and still is, to all who believe in him. He protects us, like a shepard to his lambs. He is God and He is man. That already is a huge controversy, a big blow to our "world-views". How can something be God and Man at the same time? How are we to find the logic? Nothing from me too. But the fact that He is God explains all.
Somehow, all I've been seeing, reading, hearing, listening this past week have some impact in my life, or more so, in my thoughts. Through all these, I feel that God is giving me an answer to all my questions. Anyhow, I hope I'll brave enough to do His will.
Tomorrow I'm going to the Newater plant to see a stupid video, I think on the process of making the water. How boring.. What rubbish is that man? To see them how to make water? On a video clip. How wonderful.. -dryly- -.- We had to reach school by 8. Travelling takes about half an hour or more. And it's finished at half past 10. What kind of stupid joke is this? kaoz.. Well, at least it's better than AJCians who had to go back for some CLAO thingy.. -lauffs- Going to HC's carnival too! -excited- Can get to see friends again. =D If they still remember me that is. =P lala~
Thursday, July 29
-10:39 pm
Not a day that can be claimed as exciting. How fun can it get when one is going to the beach to clear rubbish? Thought I could swear off from the activity last year, and now I'm back to the same beach, to the same area, to clean up similar rubbish, although now I'm in a Saint's shirt, rather than in a ZH shirt and skirt. Not much to take note off, just that the beach area is still dirty no matter what, cause of inconsiderate people who just throw their ciggrette butts anywhere they liked. I think I picked up a used condom from the beach. Ewww... but I couldn't really identify it, simply because it was too old, in a sense? It's a really long plastic tube thingy. Kinda gross out when I found it. LOL.. Drizzled when we were half way through, found shelter and a pregnant cat followed us. She had fierce eyes, -shivers- like she is warning us to not touch her, especially her babies. She extended her claws once while she was cleaning herself up. No idea why the sudden action. =P Oh yah, it's pretty amazing to see movement clearly in her body. There was some of ripple movement as she laid there on the floor. =) We sang patriotic Singapore songs too. Hehe, Yit Shan and Audrey thought that a sing-along session was a good one to bond the class. =) Carmen was damn zhai also la! She can sing "Home" in all the four languages - English, Chinese, Malay and Tamil. And I think her prounciation is quite accurate too! Woah! Impressive sia.. Well, after everything, we all went to some Thai-Chinese restauarant to eat, Ms Ho treated us. =D But she had to go home early because her scar from a previous operation was acting on her. Hope she's doing well now. = Then hanged around Tampines Mall, pretty big, but lotsa fashion shops. Haha, think Hester went shopping around after her movie. =P
Had a very scary dream yesterday night. All because of Hester's sms. She messaged me about the suicidal guy who died at Bishan MRT yesterday. Freaked out and didn't got a peaceful sleep. -.- I dreamt that he died. All because of a stupid driver who was careless in his driving and thus knocked him down. I didn't witness the accident but was told about it. Went to his wake. The funny thing about the dream was that his body wasn't in a coffin but outside on some table. Then the people attending the wake were from SAJC, as in those from 04S62. They do not know him at all! Weird~ I also remembered one part about the dream was that, someone was asking for wishes for him or something, then I wished that he could come back alive. o.O All throughout the wake, I still did not dare to express my real feelings and thoughts although people always say that we should. But no matter what I just couldn't. Is this a signal to me? That something is wrong, or is it just him? Is this God's answer for me? That if I don't start to be clear, I will definitely lose my chance? But I made up my mind to be Christ-centered person before entering a relationship which I hope will be Christ-centered too. Or is God telling me otherwise? What am I suppposed to do? I'm just starting track with my devotion time, which I really really wish, will not get off track again. Now with this in my mind, it's getting sickening. I'm tired of all this guessing, maybe I really should ask him.
Wednesday, July 28
-11:54 pm
Got my fanlistings up. -grins- I know it's quite redundent but just had got nothing else better to do. Haha. Up there are just a few of my favourite bishounens around in the manga world. Not all are up but these are a few. =D Somehow I think there's no need to join their fanlisting cause everyone can just right-click and save their and linked them back, no point joining. Oh btw, can someone help me figure out how come there's such a big gap between the 2nd and 3rd row while the 4th is just fine? Stupid HTML, always playing tricks on me.
Had some interesting thoughts that I think I can share, but I don't think I'll write now. It's so late liao. =P Tomorrow still got to go Pasir Ris Park to clean up their beach.. So wu liao. Thought I can swear off that activity after sec 4 but apparently not.. -.- -sighs- Oh well, hope we can have a fun time there. =D
Tuesday, July 27
-6:30 pm
What the !!!!!!! Blogger posted a blank post for today's entry. DAMN IT!!! I spent so much time writing out my thoughts and here it is wasting my effort.. WHAT THE ****!!!!!!!!! stupid blogger.. Think I'll have to save a copy everytime before publishing the entry. Idiot.. -mutters- They don't even have their own word in their dictionary.. How dumb.. Not going to waste my time rewriting my entry again.. Maybe next time or later. If I'm coming back online. What rubbish is this...
Saturday, July 24
-12:33 am
My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto 千秋 Chiaki
Get yours =) [via Jiajia's blog, can't get it up mine.. :( ]
Oh no! Aaron is leaving for Australia.. How come!? Why the sudden shift.. And what is Cindy's going to do? Long-distance relationship? Not that I doubt them, but this is definitely going to be a strain. Seriously hope that they will make it >.< cause this is one wedding that I'm totally looking forward to. Hmm, wondering if I should call a gathering for Cindy, to help her along... Have to see what is her reaction first though.. No wonder their msn nicks are getting weirder. -tears hair-
Nothing much today. Just realised that Economics really don't suit me, or maybe just the fact that humanities don't complement me. I'm just to lazy to think through the question and even if I did, it is not what the requirements. Oh shucks, have to see how's the promos will be. Oh yah, quite interesting to see people falling asleep during lectures. You get to see them slowly closing their eyelids, the white of their eyeballs slowly become apparent and voila! They are nodding off. Waking up only when there's sudden noise or sudden silence. Lol! I don't deny falling asleep in lectures but to see process is quite funny lo.. Suggestion to all: when bored in lectures, check out your schoolmates sleeping styles, you will get interesting results. Haha..
Wanted to put up fanlistings but don't really know how to. Have to join so many. Just PoT has already so many characters. Imagine the I have dozens of anime characters to put? I don't think this blog is enough to accomdate all. Maybe I should just make another one to put all of them up. But it's just a thought though. Not so hardworking enough to keep up with so many of them and there's one that I've been neglecting, wondering if she's angry ornot.. Bleh. So sorry to you.. > <
Tomorrow CO practise. Got to go sleep after downloading somethings.. Nitey nitex. =)
Thursday, July 22
-10:56 pm
Realised that I haven't been blogging about stuff in my life now, well stuff that should be quite significant in my daily life now. Haha, not some earth-shattering moments but at least something out of the ordinary. Ok.. Let's see..
Rapture. Was pretty good in fact, didn't regret going it. Get to see some of my friends dancing. And were they good~! -whistles- If it was me, bet my leg and hand coordination would never make it, it's damn bad la.. Really envy people who can dance and those who are really to let go and just shake their butt off. Haha..Which reminds me of Hui Ming. Never get to see her dance before, bet she's really graceful although she always denied it. Hmm, maybe find some chance to go see her. ^_^ Oh yah, the teachers danced too. It wasn't very elaborated in the sense that their dance was only about vigorous jumping and waving of arms. Technically. However, the fact that they were sporting enough to give us such a show is undeniable. Saints' Spirit~ All the way~! Up and On! -sniggers-
CO. Was assigned the post of secretary. Was really surprised by the annoucement, couldn't believe it when Hester told me about it. I mean, I told them I would place more priority for church stuff rather than CO and they believed it. But my senior pushed on, insisting that I can do it. Really have to thank her man, or else I think I'll just slack my way through CO. Maybe God has a plan for me in CO? Who knows, because I really really didn't expect to get into the exco. :p Guess the only way to know is after this one year in the committee, as I learn more things while serving for CO. Help pray for me to handle all the stuff that's coming my way in the future to come ok? With PW, chinese AO, promos, planning for CO, SYF, A levels and who knows what, I think I may go mad if God is not there with me. :
Brotherhood. Okie, it's a DAMN wonderful show la~! Everyone should go watch it even though it's a Korean movie. Went to watch it with Sharon on Tuesday. Hehe.. Yah, a school night I know, got scolded by my mother. But I don't regret it. =] Ok, the movie is about 2 brothers and the change in their characters as the Korean War progressed. As we all had studied Social Studies in the previous two years, we knew that the war started because of different ideologies. One country, one island torn into 2 just because they had different ideologies. I remembered writing an essay saying that conflicts due to differences in ideologies are the hardest to resolve because one can't change the other's mind or POV overnight. Even after several years of persuasion, nothing could be done. Well, back into the story.. Hmm, or maybe I shouldn't say it, lest some poor souls want to catch it and their enthusiaism are going to be dampened by this entry.
....
Unlikely to be.
Well, basically, it depicts the evolution of the 2 brothers' characteristics. A sheltered, innocent school boy matured and became objective as he came to face with the harsh reality of war and the cruelty of man to his own kind. A loving and selfless brother who was willing to do anything to keep his familiy away from hardship turned cold and ruthless as time passed. His ideals, his goals gave way to the brief, sweet moment of glory. So sad the story, so sad it was. I just love the movie. Won Bin and Zhang Dong Jian ( I don't know his Korean name ) are just oozing with charm and charisma in the movie. -swooning- Haha, go catch it people, it's really worth it. =) Oh yah, before watching the movie, we went to the library to return some books of Sharon. Went to check out if AJcians ( no offense people~! ) were mugging there ornot. Surprisingly, there weren't many. Woah... We decided to walked around the entire building, while sniggering all the way out. Went to Mos to eat, there wasn't any AJcians around too, we sniggered some more.
"Must be their day off.." -lauffs-
Inter-house street soccer. Can't believed that I joined. Haha, but it was extremely enjoyable. Never knew I had such talents in playing defence. LOL~ Nah, I didn't do much, just blocked some balls and kicked it away from our half. As in half of the hockey court. Gotcha if you think I kicked the entire football length. Siao, I'm not that zai.. Anyway, we played Romanis for the first game, but it was a mess. Everyone was just scrambling for the ball, not spacing out, not playing their roles well. And that cost our game. Well, Romanis was strong too, that's without a question. However, we learnt our lessons well and began to strategise. The second game was better, was almost winning when Venn won by penelty.. -growls- But we played a good game. =) That was a definite. The referee was chao kayu too, don't like him now. Keeps siding the Venns. Maybe he's from Venn that's why. Saints 22 you better watch out man.. Your commentary sucked and was damn annoying. Ditto for your refereeing. Also, Hester is carrying a strong dislike for you now.. Anyway, it was a match well-played! We will make a comeback next year, and at least get into the semi-finals. Haha, is that a dream too big? Hope not! =D Btw, George is quite a cutie. Haha..
PW. Pia-ed the whole week doing the evaluation of source. One day did one. Damn hiong la, wah lao. But at least we are quite consistent in our work, so no need last minute then chiong. Thank God for members who are willing to work. Thank guys, maybe should buy something for you all when we end the project as a token of appreciation. But hope I can remember by then. Got to go now, need to do some GP homework. Sighs.. Nitex people..
Sunday, July 18
-7:39 pm
Kopped this off Pradeep's blog..
History At A Glance
Things i was doing 10 years ago.(ie.e p1)
1. Getting myself familiar with Townsville Primary School.
2. Making life-long friends. =)
3. Trying to get my aunt to buy toys for me. =P
4. Doing my homework conscientiously.
5. Trying to break away from the shy me.
Things i was doing 5 years ago
1. Trying to control the class 6F as a prefect, I think..
2. Getting to know the wonders of Romance books. -lauffs-
3. Trying to get everyone's autographs before the year ended.
4. Rotting around Ang Mo Kio centre, after trips to the library.
5. Mugging for PSLE. Lol~
Things i was doing 2 years ago
1. Getting to know the class 3E6'03 of ZHSS.
2. Slowly solidifying relationship with God.
3. Had my first taste being in Church's YF's and youth choir's committees. Sure was busy man..
4. Having fun in Mr Koh's English classes. =D
5. Trying to pass my 2.4km run..
Things i did last year
1. Slacking my time away for the first half year.
2. Getting used to the fact that no matter what I did, I would never grow a single centimeter..
3. Being pissed with some of my classmates. -.-
4. Being pissed at my friends for neglecting us for their other halves..
5. Getting to know God more.
6. Becoming Chairman of YF. Hates all the politics behind the screen.. Bleh..
7. Ganging up with Lynn to wake Aik Tat up for all lessons.
8. Mugging for the last half year.
9. Went shopping for prom night. =D
10. Agonising to choose between NJ and AJ..
Things i did today
1. Slept at 2 in the morning after watching the exciting matches of PoT. =D
2. Trying to stay awake in church.
3. Had an unsuccessful time in doing Mathematical Induction which for pete's sake I don't even know why I'm studying it for.
4. Walked around Ang Mo Kio centre for a while.
5. Doing this questionair while getting scolded by Mom to go do homework. =
6. Read comics.
7. Downloading PoT episodes 36-40. =)
Things i'm gonna do tomorrow
1. Take a nap while travelling to school.
2. Chiong all my tutorials.
3. PW.
4. Listening to teachers nag and nag
5. Sleep. =)
Got to go now. Or else Mom's going to have that kind fo face which I can't tahan. Like so.. gah.. Don't know how to explain. Whatever.. Ciao~
Saturday, July 17
-10:43 pm
You are going to Marry Josh Hartnett. He is really
shy, but don't let that fool you. He is really
outgoing and sweet with those he loves and will
be loyal to them for the rest of his life.
Congrats!!
Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (14 choices now!!) brought to you by Quizilla
LOVING ONE. You need safety in your relationship.
You want to be sure in his/her arms, knowing
that he will protect you and you can be totally
devoted to your other. At this point you are
very vulnerable. You open yourself and dont
even think that he/she could cheat you. You
totally trust your partner in every single way.
SO if you find out that she/he lied to you or
played a game this trust is broken. You may try
to forgive your other but this will be very
difficult.He/She has to be friendly and
trustworthy.PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always message me or tell me how I can
improve that quiz. Ill sure write back.
~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~ brought to you by Quizilla
Feeling a little bored here, did some quizzes from Quizilla. Hehe, got to get married with Josh Hartnett~ Woohoo, what a cutie~! ^-^ Blogger changed their posting page, now can add colours to font without all the hassle of adding html codes. It's quite user-friendly now. Great! Nothing much to add today, quite boring, had my period which aches like hell. Thought it's cured, but apparently it comes back after a few month's break. -.- I had to miss the kite-flying session with them because of it. Wah lao.. Sometimes really hated being a girl because of this. Haiz.. Whatever..
-12:10 am
It's officially 17th July but I'm going to blog about events that happened on 16th July. So please don't confuse with all the "todays" and "tomorrows" k? Thanks~! ;)
Let's see.. I think it's easier to go by sequence right? Event by event. Quite a number of things that worth remembering happened. Hehe..
Firstly, it was assembly. We had a group of American singers who sang damn good. They are a Christian group if i'm not wrong. Wanted to go to their concert, but got fellowship in Marina South so.. abit disappointed la. But nonetheless, I'm still going kite-flying, an activity that's pretty much forgotten by a lot of people. =P Hope can revive some bit of child in me again. -contemplating- But hor, I seemed like a child everyday, so shouldn't be much a problem right? -shrugs- Oh yah! The black singer serenaded Isabel~!!! Bet she was blushing her head off when he sang to her! Haha, what a sight! Then she got "picked" to take a photo with the cowboy hat. Arh!! She's so lucky. Haha, then Hester and Wanwei said they want to sit in front the next time, so they can have these kind of wonderful surprises. LOL~
Secondly, journey to SA cathedral and during commendation. On our way there, Eileen Tan and Eileen Seah came along. They in the class of 04S62.5. Haha.. E.T kept having verbal duals with Ms Ho who, being more experienced, always had the last words, leaving poor E.T exasperated. Haha, it's so funny watching them having it out! E.T arh, dunno her la, but she's damn funny lo! Later, while seated next to Hester, she asked questions regarding Christianity. =) Was glad that I could help her out along with Liz's help. She said she cannot accept Christ now, cause her parents don't allow. Well, I didn't comment on anything, but the fact that she's willing to open her mind and heart to what we had to say about Christ is rather encouraging and she read the bible~! Hehe, never seen any non-christians so proactive. =) Something to note about street evangelism. I hardly meet street evangelists, so I can't say much about them. However, I don't really like them, it's quite a nuisance. Cause, I feel that the scriptures some used are too extreme. Think I heard before people using revelations to scare people into accepting Christ, but maybe that's some cults' doings but we never know. Liz feels that to let people see Christ is through our (Christians) lives which acts as our testimony. If we live a godly life, then it's the best example as we are living the way of Christ and this is the best method to let others see.
After leaving SA cathedral, went to Taka to walk, well, more specifically Kino. Haha, went to check out the mangas available. Controlled the urge to buy, needed money for dinner later. Went hope, read GTO for a while and slept. Did some last minute checking for the route to Kallang Theatre. Was supposed to be on time to meet Wan Wei and Hester at Dhouby Ghout, but forgot to bring the ticket for Rapture. -.-" Asked my mother to help me get it, but in the end, allowed her to see my marks for CT. Got some mild scolding for Econs. -shrugs- She's always like that, abit also must scold. I was late for the meeting but Hester was later. -.- Took a cab down to the theatre, however the uncle wasn't sure of the route! Haha, we had to fumble our way through. The uncle was very friendly and humourous and kind. He bought us to the theatre even though he didn't want to and let us eat in his taxi! So nice right?! Hehe.
Rapture was great! The opening was fantastic, hehe. Jazzy.. Everythinig in between was enjoyable too. Saw both Samanthas dancing and they were great. =D Glad that I went to it, at least it was worth the $10 and thank goodness Mrs Lim wasn't invited to say something, if she was, it might be something unflattering, like that time for band. A "so long" dashed all the effort of the band members. What a bit*h.
And that is all for 16th July 2004. Thank you and have a good night or day or whenever you are reading this entry. =)
Thursday, July 15
-7:45 pm
Well.. As expected, got an O for Econs. -Sighs- Hmm, forget it, no point whacking myself for it. Didn't really studied for it. Seemed like one of the marker read my mind when he/she's marking my P & C question. Should be Mr. Chu, only him will be so "verbal" :p I'm quite contented with my results. Have to be contented with small achievements once you enter a JC, can't be scoring As and Bs like we once used to in Primary or Secondary. It is really time for serious mugging if you want that As and Bs. -groans- Sometimes really regretted going to JC. It sucks.
Deleted all his messages today except for one. However my favourite was gone. Sad, but the prick didn't make its appearance. Maybe time really will heal all wounds and aches. Well, purely friends from now on. I shall not have any hopes/wishes to be with him ever. I will try.
Wednesday, July 14
-10:34 pm
Bloody f***ing h*ll!!!! My computer hanged up on me and I lost the whole entry!!! ****!!!! Whatever- maybe it's God's will, he doesn't want me to go around offending people. Hmm, come to think of it, maybe He's really doing that.
Praise God!!
Well, shan't dwell on that matter anymore. Once it is resolved then maybe I will put the matter up. Well, lets talk about CT. Was quite ok, wasn't very well done though. Didn't fail anything as for now. Still don't know about econs, but mostly likely it's going to be a gone case. Lala~ Whatever.. You reap what you sow. So I guess this is my reward. Only spent one week studying, and some more it wasn't very pia. To a certain extent, it is la, but not enough for my standards. Haiz, whatever, now is to pia PW and Promos liao. What done is already done, no point dwelling on it and learn the lessons well now and not do it again.
Bleh, my PoT was supposed to be at 8% but now I have to start all over again, because of some bad files. Damn! And it's going at half the rate it was before.. Gah...!! Pretty steamed by it.. Blah, going to go do Econs liao. Hope there will be half day off for Racial Harmony Day tomorrow, then no need go for class. ...
Fat hope!
Tuesday, July 13
-9:45 pm
Purest of Pain
by Son of Four
Sorry didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
And so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.
Don't know how many times I said I'm gonna live without you,
And maybe someone else is standing there beside you,
But there's something, baby you need to know.
That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying. I have to see you,
It's all that I'm asking.
Vida, give me back my fantasy. The courage that I need to live,
The air that I breathe.
Cariño mio, my world's become so empty. The days are so cold and lonely
And each night I taste the purest of pain.
i wish i could tell u im feeling better everyday that it didn't hurt when u walk away but to tell
that truth i can't find my way
That deep inside me, I feel like I'm dying. I have to see you,
It's all that I'm asking.
Sorry didn't mean to call you but I couldn't fight it
I guess I was weak, couldn't even hide it
And so I surrendered, just to hear your voice.
Always love this song. Just feels that the melody is very beautiful and melancholy. So bittersweet like that. Just like my feelings for you.
I'm letting go.
Somehow, I have this weirdest feeling that you knew about this, that I'm talking about you. Well, to say that I have the courage to do so, not exactly so because I have no choice but to. This isn't going anywhere. We can't proceed more than friends, not at this rate. Maybe it's just me being impatient but if you have any inkling of interest then, you should also do something about it, don't you? But you never. (Great, my winamp is starting to play "Ta Hai Shi Bu Dong" by SHE...) We are just stagnant in this stage where maybe you and I have an interest in each other, but we never do anything about it. I can't say I made obvious moves but how could I? When I've already sort of sworn of you the last time. If I'm to chase after you, I don't know what's your reaction. For all I know, I may jeopardise the friendship and that's the last thing I want. People said you have to fight for your own happiness but if you do not have feelings for me, then why bother? No point making you liking me if you want to stay as friends. I'm not a forceful person in love, maybe that's why I always get cheated. For all I know, you already have someone in mind from school, or from your church. Whoever she is, I really hope you will be happy with her. I'm going to take a little time to adjust these feelings and in the meantime, just bear with me.
You will always have a special place in my heart. I promise.
Monday, July 12
-10:31 am
Having a free period now. Not exactly a free period as I was supposed to do my GP research, but since I have finished it, then it's deemed as MY free time and I'm going to go eat next after this entry. =)
Got kicked out of the lecture hall today, cuz never do the essays. Well, couldn't blame me, cuz I never heard that I was supposed to do. But then Mr Chu had told us must attempt the questions. Hmm, think I left the "reminder" under selective memory.. What the heck, it's over and done with. Besides, it's quite a feeling. Wasn't very guilty by it. I mean, if you are a goody-two shoes for your entire schooling life, then that's a bit disappointing isn't it? My behaviour gotten from bad to worse over the past ten years. So, it's another experience that I can take away with. Hehe.
The internet connection in the library is damn slow la, need to press a few times before it can load the page. Whatever, I'm going off soon, going to eat liao. Maybe I'll blog tonight again. And sun bian finish downloading my PoT. =) Ciao~!
Sunday, July 11
-8:24 pm
Thought Raikkonen could win the race, now, with that Schumacher in front of him because of a pitstop. Haiz, was set on Kimi to win. Now we will have to hope for a miracle. =P
I don't know what to blog leh, now so sian. I have homework to do. Two slacking weeks and now we'll have to rush headfast into a mugging mode. Very hard.. Now absolutely no mood to blog. Blogging for the sake of blogging. Haha.. Want to come online nia for PoT, and it's progressing quite slowly. My brother ain't helping too when he's online. Bleh. Want to watch but don't want to help. What a prat.
Starting to read Harry Potter and SailorMoon's fanfiction. Haha, just to amuse myself with them. The storylines are all almost the same. Not much difference. Well, I guess that can't be helped if the background and stories are already set.
Seemed to have lost my interest in activities that used to interest me. Why arh? Because I've been doing too much of it? Maybe I've always been a "san fen zhong rei du" kind of person, just that always in a denial. A major one in fact. -sigh- Wonder what will happen if I am to go into a relationship? Will I want to spend less time with you, lest I become bored by you? I'm afraid of that. Very. Is this what go through a seemingly flirtatious guy's mind when he is in a relationship? That he got bored by the girl because they spent too much time together? However on the other hand, some people will not have this kind of thoughts. Because the longer they are together, the more they want to be with each other? They just simply can't get enough of each other. I thought I am this kind of person. Think the only way to know is to get into a relationship and find out for myself. But I don't want to, at least for now. Because, I don't think I will have the energy for you, neither the money to spend our time out together. Well, I've a pair of pretty strict parents, don't want to incur their wrath too, by spending too much money and time outside. I can't jeopardise my studies too. Not willing to at all.
Maybe in the future, I will have the reason to sing to you this. Hehe. To the one and only. =)
"... I found out a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start over new. And the reason is you..." ~ Hoobastank -The Reason.
Thursday, July 8
-12:06 am
Caught "Fear Factor" just then. Had the pleasure to watch them remove white snakes from their body while they were covered with American Roaches on the head and crickets or some worms on their torso.
EEKK!!!! GAH~!!!!
The host made one of the contestant to eat 3 of those slimy worms to allow her back into the competition. (It's for charity, so it's all right, I guess.) Then he eat one of the roaches. O.O!! Oh man, I'm still recovering from the effect of watching them eat it. It's so... yucky~!!! >.
Oh yah, caught "Amazing Race" just now too. Hehe, looks interesting this season. (I always said that). Brandon is also a cutie to look forward to. Hehe, but he's a model or actor or whatever it is, so.. Heck, he's still a cutie. There's alot of bickering and bitching and collaboration going on, maybe it will be good. Hope none of the couples will have a "Flo" in them. Couldn't said I'm not glad to see Drew and her broke off, but well, all good things have to come to an end. =P That sounds mean right? Well, she's pretty much a brat in that show.. Zack's a saint to tolerate her.
Wednesday, July 7
-6:23 pm
Biology SPA was so totally screwed. Haiz.. Whatever.. Well, going to get back almost all the results back tomorrow, going to be prepared for it I hoped. Wanted to write something, but don't have the mood to. It isn't really important but I need to "verbalise" it. I don't hope you will see it, in fact I don't even know if you read it you will know it's referring to you. Perhaps you have already forgotten the existence of this webbie. -sighs- Next time ba.
Well, going to the hospital later, to see grandpa. Erm, he's, well, not feeling very well now. In fact for a long time already. Not very close to him but no matter what he's still my grandfather. Without him, I wouldn't be here at all. =P
School's starting officially tomorrow. After that, college day the next day. wtheck.. Such a slacker week. Boring lo, haha. Always staring in front of the computer doing nothing but downloading PoT, occasionally chatting, reading up fanfiction. What a boring routine.
Not that I mind though.
Tuesday, July 6
-9:32 pm
Lala~ PoT is coming up again. Hehe.. Think it's the episodes where Tezuka is having a match with Ryoma, which Ryoma-kun will lose. This going to be exciting~~!! Hehe..
Spiderman has tons of commerical going along now. Almost every 5 mins long commericals will have a segement on Spiderman.. -.- not that I don't like it but too much of it is going to make me sick of it. It's the same as the Jack Neo show, it was getting on my nerves when they played the opening song. "bai liu li bai~~~ hui bu hui kai~~~~" GAH.. Pls~! It grated on my nerves for so long that I just hated the show no matter what people said on how humourous it is. Hope spidey won't have the same effect on me. I simply love the show. No, I don't like Tobey, spidey or Peter Parker is just fine. -grins- Haha.. There are some differences between the movies, cartoon, and the comics. Apparently, Peter only met MJ when she was a supermodel of some sort, in the comics that is. Not when they were young. And Peter was such a geek, even more geekier than how Tobey looked in the movie. The cartoon ran almost the same line as the movies if I recalled correctly. I liked the Peter in there. -grins- He's kinda good looking. -lauffs-
Yep and the newspaper is right, Spidey is the heart. -sighs-
Friday, July 2
-11:51 pm
Read Shu Bei's latest entry. Then recalled Hui Ghee's and Yi Hui's entries. Then recalled Spiderman-2. Then now conversation with Shuzi.
Who am I?
I can give you the technical facts. My name, my age, my hair colour, my height, my blah blah.. Everything you will need to build an identical Lim Xiaoyuan Janice. A shell without a soul. ( I think she will be more efficient in carrying out stuff and more obedient. =P) But who am I? What constitute me? My thinking? My emotions? My experiences? My upbringing? My purpose in life? Life definitely ain't making sense to me now. Directions are dimmed but there. At least God is there, guiding me patiently even when I steered from the course. -I always do-
Singapore is gradually suffocating me. I can't go to somewhere to just sit and look and listen and think. Even the library is packed with people mugging. They are talking while mugging. I definitely agree with Yit Shan, the open concept thingy that libraries are adopting is changing the libraries into a whole thing. Children running around, sometimes at the top of their voices. Everywhere is interlinked. There's no hidey corner where you can just curled up with a good book. Your bedroom don't fit the criteria anymore cause all it reminds you about is mugging. Maybe there's a lot of spaces out there for me to check it out. I'll just need to walk walk around to find them. Maybe just decking out at a cafe will work wonders. -perhaps perhaps-
Friends, are we really friends? Or are we just together for the sake of the name "friends"? Sometimes, I don't even know you guys. I don't know what you like, I don't know what you don't. I don't know your habits. Can I count as your friend? Even when I'm supposed to be part of the "best" level of the "friends" hierarchy? What the heck am I doing with you? Hell, sometimes I don't even think we are on the same frequency. But what the ... I enjoyed your company tremendously. You make me experience things I never will. Sometimes going to your frequency make me view things just a little differently and making me a better person than I used to be. Even we guys aren't the most compatible group, but we learnt to compromise and care and love each other. Guess that's the biggest lessons that we gained from each other.
People around me are always sad, depressed, in despair. Even they don't looked like it. Sometimes I wonder. Am I really that blessed or am I in the eyes of others, ignorant and too stupid? To know the "evils" of this world. Or is it just your making a big fuss over nothing. Okie, maybe a wrong expression. To you it may mean the world. Guess different priorities have us at different ends of the world. I may have colour-tinted eyes for this world but that don't mean that I'm ignorant right? I just believe there's goodness in everyone (this sounds so much like Tohru -.- )Sometimes being an optimist helps alot. No use beating yourself up for some pages that are found in the History text in your life. These pages maybe significant, but what done's already done.
Make everyday an adventure, something exciting which you can look foward to. It's a new motto which I adopted only recently.
P.S COMMON TEST IS FINALLY OVER!!!! WOOHOO~~~!!!!!!!!
P.S.S AIK TAT IS BACK IN SINGAPORE~!!! (for a while)
=[Feeling]= : contemplative
'-'Listening to'-' : ~*~ Aerosmith - I don't Wanna Miss A Thing ~*~
